Those who follow the Pix and know reader TC know that our boy has a source rather close to #12. The Globe doesn't have the source. Neither the Herald, Peter King nor ESPN have the source. Just TC and therefore the Pix. Those who need proof need only remember that two years ago TC knew that Randy Moss was coming to New England. Breet thought he was going to Green Bay. Peter King had him going to Green Bay. Chris Berman had him going to Green Bay. TC knew he was on his way to New England. So here's a New years's gift to Pix readers from our by TC:
The Source: "Tom is running, dropping back, throwing passes and IS ahead of schedule".
The 2010 Super Bowl is ours. You heard it here first. Big thanks to TC for passing along this info. The Guru will franchise and trade Cassell for no less than a 2nd round pick. Possibly a first. He'll then spend the first 3 picks on corners and safties. Maybe another linebacker. He'll sign Wilfork to a 4-5 year deal. The Pix will party like it's 2007 and the Pats go 19-0. Some random coaching thoughts........
Go to the archives for September 2007 and see where the Pix said Manjudas would be fired after this year. Delicious. One thing worries the Pix, however. Mike Shanahan. Remember that the Guru respects Shanahan more than any other coach in the NFL. Shanahan is the Guru's kryptonite and he's rumored to be going to............wait for it...........the Jets. This is not a desirable scenario for Pats fans. Just sayin'.
Manjudas is rumored to be interviewing for the Browns job. The Pix guesses this falls under the NFL's rule requiring all franchises to interview minorities. Fat back stabbing pathetic stains being a minority.
The annual Breet watch has begun with a major change this year. No one is watching. Breet's yearly Hamlet act has finally lost an audience. The boy who cried wolf will finally be ignored this offseason by most media. Come back, don't come back, take a shit in your hat......nobody cares, Breet. Bernie Madoff, Blago and Sarah Palin have brighter futures than the bayou braying jackass. Someone please wake up the Pix when Breet makes a decision. Until then he's off to the 2008 time capsule with the S+P 500, Ricky Gervais and ZIMA. (that's right, Zima wasn't discontinued until this year. who knew?)
Happy New Year to all readers. See you in 2009.
The Pix
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
With the 1st pick in the 2030 draft, the New England Patriots select...........
Tyler Forbes. Born December 30th in Salem, MA. Weighing in at 8lbs 15 0z. He has thrown 5,042,814 fewer intecerceptions than Breet. The Pix doesn't normally include personal items...but this one is the exception. Welcome to the NFL 22 years early, Tyler. No pressure...........
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Playoffs?
The Pix can't remember the last time week 17 of the NFL season meant anything but a quasi bye week for the Pats as they rested players to prepare for, as the Tuna would say, "the tournament". Statistically, the Pats have a 33% chance of returning to the postseason based on the scenarios that will play out this afternoon. Anyone who reads this blog knows what has to happen, so I won't repeat it. Let's just break down the games....
Pats at Buffalo. Um, duh, Pat's win. When it comes to NE domination of Buffalo, the Bills should change their names to the gimps. Twice a year we pull them out of some trunk in a pawn shop basement and have our way with them. And they like it. Not to mention the fact that the Pats may be the hottest team in football right now. The Pix can't stress enough how much the rest of the league will be pulling for the Guru to miss the playoffs. Talk about a rooster in the hen house. The guy loses the league MVP, starting tailback, both defensive captains.........the list is too long to complete. And his team is on the verge of an 11-5 season having taken a backup quarterback people had presumed would be cut before the season and turned him into a pro bowl caliber player. Belichick should be league MVP. If anyone else gets coach of the year (and Jeff Fisher will) it will be rigged worse than Blogojevich's political appointments. Here's the list of people the Pix would want to be stranded on a desert island with.....Jessica Biel, Beyonce, the Mexican bird from "Spanglish" (under rated movie) and the Guru. Check that. The Guru would be first because he'd coach us into building a casino that would make Steve Wynn's joints look like "the green spot" and then Jessica and Beyonce would come to us. Because that's how the Guru rolls.
Baltimore vs Jax. I'd say a 40-60 chance of a Ravens loss here. We'll know everything we need to in the first half. If the Jaguars can hang around for a while, the noose will tighten a little around the Ravens' necks and the coaches will reign in Flacco. Rookie qb's in must win playoff type games have a tendency to screw the pooch. It will help that the Jags have nothing to lose and HOPEFULLY the imbecile Jack Del Rio will coach like he has more than one testicle. A first for him. Seriously, Jack.....fake punts, going for it on all fourth and shorts.....you have nothing to lose here. Forget for a day that you are more conservative than Hugh Hewitt and you coach like your sphincter is tighter than Billy Hayes' in "Midnight Express. The Pats need you.
Jets vs Dolphins. How did it come to this? Really? The Pix has to root for Breet? This game will be like watching 2 ex-wives wrestling over a dude in a bar and actually having to root for the one you dislike more. Does that make sense? Let's just say it's a tough one for the Pix and leave it at that. As for the football.......just a really strange game. The Jets are actually favored by 3.....so Vegas thinks it's a toss up. One thing for sure, this one will be excruciating. A game full of mistakes that will go down to the wire and ultimately, the Pix fears, ends poorly for Pats fans. And conspiracy theories will abound. Why does the league permit this game to be at 4:00 pm? How is that fair? The Jets will have NO INCENTIVE to win when they see that we beat Buffalo. This is a travesty of justice worse than the first OJ verdict. The Pix will be reaching out to Ron Goldman after this game to find a good civil attorney. Final score........Mia 24...Jets 21.
All other games.....who cares? Other than the fact that the Pix would like to see Dallas lose and see the look on Wade Phillips' face. His face in the fourth quarter of close games reminds the Pix of the face on offical son #1 during the initial stages of potty training. He's a little confused by the whole process but realizes it's pretty important and that mommy and daddy are rooting for him. Then, when he accidentally hoses down the bath mat he just looks up and hopes it's ok. Sure, Wade...it's ok. Someone will need a defensive coordinator next year.
Sorry for the late post. A special tribute to Breet coming soon. Anyone in the vicinity of 49 Shorewood today is invited by for some holiday deliciousness and a game of ping pong. Go Pats.
Pats at Buffalo. Um, duh, Pat's win. When it comes to NE domination of Buffalo, the Bills should change their names to the gimps. Twice a year we pull them out of some trunk in a pawn shop basement and have our way with them. And they like it. Not to mention the fact that the Pats may be the hottest team in football right now. The Pix can't stress enough how much the rest of the league will be pulling for the Guru to miss the playoffs. Talk about a rooster in the hen house. The guy loses the league MVP, starting tailback, both defensive captains.........the list is too long to complete. And his team is on the verge of an 11-5 season having taken a backup quarterback people had presumed would be cut before the season and turned him into a pro bowl caliber player. Belichick should be league MVP. If anyone else gets coach of the year (and Jeff Fisher will) it will be rigged worse than Blogojevich's political appointments. Here's the list of people the Pix would want to be stranded on a desert island with.....Jessica Biel, Beyonce, the Mexican bird from "Spanglish" (under rated movie) and the Guru. Check that. The Guru would be first because he'd coach us into building a casino that would make Steve Wynn's joints look like "the green spot" and then Jessica and Beyonce would come to us. Because that's how the Guru rolls.
Baltimore vs Jax. I'd say a 40-60 chance of a Ravens loss here. We'll know everything we need to in the first half. If the Jaguars can hang around for a while, the noose will tighten a little around the Ravens' necks and the coaches will reign in Flacco. Rookie qb's in must win playoff type games have a tendency to screw the pooch. It will help that the Jags have nothing to lose and HOPEFULLY the imbecile Jack Del Rio will coach like he has more than one testicle. A first for him. Seriously, Jack.....fake punts, going for it on all fourth and shorts.....you have nothing to lose here. Forget for a day that you are more conservative than Hugh Hewitt and you coach like your sphincter is tighter than Billy Hayes' in "Midnight Express. The Pats need you.
Jets vs Dolphins. How did it come to this? Really? The Pix has to root for Breet? This game will be like watching 2 ex-wives wrestling over a dude in a bar and actually having to root for the one you dislike more. Does that make sense? Let's just say it's a tough one for the Pix and leave it at that. As for the football.......just a really strange game. The Jets are actually favored by 3.....so Vegas thinks it's a toss up. One thing for sure, this one will be excruciating. A game full of mistakes that will go down to the wire and ultimately, the Pix fears, ends poorly for Pats fans. And conspiracy theories will abound. Why does the league permit this game to be at 4:00 pm? How is that fair? The Jets will have NO INCENTIVE to win when they see that we beat Buffalo. This is a travesty of justice worse than the first OJ verdict. The Pix will be reaching out to Ron Goldman after this game to find a good civil attorney. Final score........Mia 24...Jets 21.
All other games.....who cares? Other than the fact that the Pix would like to see Dallas lose and see the look on Wade Phillips' face. His face in the fourth quarter of close games reminds the Pix of the face on offical son #1 during the initial stages of potty training. He's a little confused by the whole process but realizes it's pretty important and that mommy and daddy are rooting for him. Then, when he accidentally hoses down the bath mat he just looks up and hopes it's ok. Sure, Wade...it's ok. Someone will need a defensive coordinator next year.
Sorry for the late post. A special tribute to Breet coming soon. Anyone in the vicinity of 49 Shorewood today is invited by for some holiday deliciousness and a game of ping pong. Go Pats.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Ok, ok, ok
So the Pix has been lame. Not writing, predicting, complaining....pretty much doing nothing. It's not that the occasional impulse to write is gone, it's just that the usual sources for commentary.....stupid people being stupid....just isn't as surprising or amusing any more. Burger King launching a beef scented body spray, Bush getting some shoes launched at him in Iraq (nice going secret service....I'm feeling really good about Obama's safety after that episode), OJ going to prison, Blagojevich, dudes shooting women while having sex.....all blog worthy I suppose. But nothing seems outrageous anymore. Teacher sex scandals used to be fun, but now they are once a week and have just become..........predictable. And it's sad. Due to the internets and daily instant access to the most outrageous stories spanning the globe, I fear the Pix has become immune to random unintentional comedy and incredibly poor decision making. That is until this beauty of a headline appeared last Wednesday, "Favre makes Pro Bowl". The Pix....
Balt +5 over Dallas. Let's start with the most important game of the week for the Patriots. The entire nation thinks the Ravens will go down and that the Pats get in the playoffs by winning out. The Pix kind of agrees, but is very worried about what Ray Lewis can do to a banged up Romo and a TO who likes going over the middle as much as Putin likes oil under 35 a barrell. Rooting for Dallas feels as natural as Pam Anderson's tits, but the Pix will be pulling hard for the 'boys Saturday.
Cinci +3 over Cleveland. The Pix has said it before, but watching Romeo Crennell coach a football game has the same feel as watching children play in traffic. Or Acky trying to skate.
Detroit +8 over Saints. What a great run these two cities are on. Between the auto industry and Katrina, these places make Seattle look like Rio during Carnival. The Pix thinks the Lions actually could win this game. Wait, did I really just type that? And I'm not even drunk yet?
KC +4 over Miami. To quote the Japanese employee from "Major League", "these guys aren't so shitty". I'm referring to the Chiefs. Plus, we REALLY need the fins to puke one up here.
SF -4 over the Rams. The guess here is that Solomon Wilcotts is prominently involved with this game's broadcast. Ratings should fall somewere in between reruns of "Cagney and Lacey" and the 2 am infomercial featuring anything from Ronco. (Note to Mr. Popeil, please bring back the civil war chess set).
Pitt -1 over Tenn. Possibly settles home field advantage for AFC. Neither of these over-rated teams want to see the Pats anywhere near the playoffs.
SD +3 over Tampa. Breet getting the nod over Rivers for the Pro Bowl is a worse injustice than what happened Tom Robinson in "To Kill a Mockingbird". Actually, wait...........ok, what happened to Tom was worse. But it's closer than you think.
Donkeys -7 over Buff. Congratulations to Dick Jauron for winning the Pix' 1st annual dumbest dumb ass of an already incredibly stupid dumb ass football season award. Really Dick? A pass from JP Lose-man from your own 27 with 2 minutes left after Breet gift wraps you a typical Breet present? You DUMBASS. The reminds me of my favorite commercial from a few years ago showing a kid on a job interview saying "And that is why I think I'm qualified for the job Mr. Dumb.......ass". Camera then shows bosses nameplate while boss simultaneously says, "it's Dumas (pronounced doom-ah). Ok, funnier on TV. Moving on........
Houston -7 over Raiders. Here's a brief list of things/people who have had a fall analogous to the Raiders from the 70's and 80's. Tara Reid, OJ, Michael Jackson, high fructose corn syrup, disco, the calculator, (Bernie Madoff is too recent) Eastern European communist nation states and Brent Musberger. That's it. That's the list.
Seattle +5 over Jets. Speaking of the calculator, what the *^%#@ is Aston Kutcher jumping around the TV advertising? Is that a *(&^% camera? Made by **$#@ Casio? What ^$!# century are we living in? Next up for Aston.....maybe an fm radio, or some 45's. Nice career, buddy. Maybe since he's dating a bird who peaked in 1980 and starred in "that 70's show" he actally feels more connected to bygone eras. Someone get Bea Arthur on speed dial. (the Pix loves him some Bea Arthur jokes).
Atlanta +3 over Minn. Tavaris. Tavarious. Taverus. Tivernus. Tuviras. Special Pix shout out to whomever can correctly spell the first name of the Vikings starting QB.
Philly -5 over Washington. Way to tie Cinci, Eagles. How bad will Philly fans feel after they miss the playoffs by 1/2 a game due to the tie vs the Cinmates?
Giants -3 over Carolina. The Panthers are a paper tiger.
Chicago -4 over GB. The Pix is 0-whatever taking the Pack every week since the pilgrimage to Lambeau. Here's a reverse jinx for you Sconnie.
Birds +9 over Pats. Calm down, people. The Pix just thinks 9 points is too much considering Arizona has one of the top passing units in the league and NE is starting Ray Clayborn, Tim Fox and Dick Van Dyke (still alive by the way) in the secondary. By the way, Cassell not making the Pro Bowl instead of Breet is an injustice somewhere in between the "trail of tears" and Cortez vs the Aztecs. Ok, maybe not on par with twin genocides, but it's closer than you think.
Hmmmm....that was fun. Maybe the Pix can regain some mojo in the new year. In the meantime, Merry and Happy to all. Except for Breet.
Balt +5 over Dallas. Let's start with the most important game of the week for the Patriots. The entire nation thinks the Ravens will go down and that the Pats get in the playoffs by winning out. The Pix kind of agrees, but is very worried about what Ray Lewis can do to a banged up Romo and a TO who likes going over the middle as much as Putin likes oil under 35 a barrell. Rooting for Dallas feels as natural as Pam Anderson's tits, but the Pix will be pulling hard for the 'boys Saturday.
Cinci +3 over Cleveland. The Pix has said it before, but watching Romeo Crennell coach a football game has the same feel as watching children play in traffic. Or Acky trying to skate.
Detroit +8 over Saints. What a great run these two cities are on. Between the auto industry and Katrina, these places make Seattle look like Rio during Carnival. The Pix thinks the Lions actually could win this game. Wait, did I really just type that? And I'm not even drunk yet?
KC +4 over Miami. To quote the Japanese employee from "Major League", "these guys aren't so shitty". I'm referring to the Chiefs. Plus, we REALLY need the fins to puke one up here.
SF -4 over the Rams. The guess here is that Solomon Wilcotts is prominently involved with this game's broadcast. Ratings should fall somewere in between reruns of "Cagney and Lacey" and the 2 am infomercial featuring anything from Ronco. (Note to Mr. Popeil, please bring back the civil war chess set).
Pitt -1 over Tenn. Possibly settles home field advantage for AFC. Neither of these over-rated teams want to see the Pats anywhere near the playoffs.
SD +3 over Tampa. Breet getting the nod over Rivers for the Pro Bowl is a worse injustice than what happened Tom Robinson in "To Kill a Mockingbird". Actually, wait...........ok, what happened to Tom was worse. But it's closer than you think.
Donkeys -7 over Buff. Congratulations to Dick Jauron for winning the Pix' 1st annual dumbest dumb ass of an already incredibly stupid dumb ass football season award. Really Dick? A pass from JP Lose-man from your own 27 with 2 minutes left after Breet gift wraps you a typical Breet present? You DUMBASS. The reminds me of my favorite commercial from a few years ago showing a kid on a job interview saying "And that is why I think I'm qualified for the job Mr. Dumb.......ass". Camera then shows bosses nameplate while boss simultaneously says, "it's Dumas (pronounced doom-ah). Ok, funnier on TV. Moving on........
Houston -7 over Raiders. Here's a brief list of things/people who have had a fall analogous to the Raiders from the 70's and 80's. Tara Reid, OJ, Michael Jackson, high fructose corn syrup, disco, the calculator, (Bernie Madoff is too recent) Eastern European communist nation states and Brent Musberger. That's it. That's the list.
Seattle +5 over Jets. Speaking of the calculator, what the *^%#@ is Aston Kutcher jumping around the TV advertising? Is that a *(&^% camera? Made by **$#@ Casio? What ^$!# century are we living in? Next up for Aston.....maybe an fm radio, or some 45's. Nice career, buddy. Maybe since he's dating a bird who peaked in 1980 and starred in "that 70's show" he actally feels more connected to bygone eras. Someone get Bea Arthur on speed dial. (the Pix loves him some Bea Arthur jokes).
Atlanta +3 over Minn. Tavaris. Tavarious. Taverus. Tivernus. Tuviras. Special Pix shout out to whomever can correctly spell the first name of the Vikings starting QB.
Philly -5 over Washington. Way to tie Cinci, Eagles. How bad will Philly fans feel after they miss the playoffs by 1/2 a game due to the tie vs the Cinmates?
Giants -3 over Carolina. The Panthers are a paper tiger.
Chicago -4 over GB. The Pix is 0-whatever taking the Pack every week since the pilgrimage to Lambeau. Here's a reverse jinx for you Sconnie.
Birds +9 over Pats. Calm down, people. The Pix just thinks 9 points is too much considering Arizona has one of the top passing units in the league and NE is starting Ray Clayborn, Tim Fox and Dick Van Dyke (still alive by the way) in the secondary. By the way, Cassell not making the Pro Bowl instead of Breet is an injustice somewhere in between the "trail of tears" and Cortez vs the Aztecs. Ok, maybe not on par with twin genocides, but it's closer than you think.
Hmmmm....that was fun. Maybe the Pix can regain some mojo in the new year. In the meantime, Merry and Happy to all. Except for Breet.
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