After a two week hiatus, the Pix are back. Permanent retirement was
being condsidered, but then Mike Tyson was arrested for DUI and cocaine
posession and, well, that's just too much of a good thing to let go by
without comment. With the passing of President Ford, lots of lists have
been written recently of those we have lost in 2006. Since that's been
covered, the Pix would like to make a different list. Here's a short
sample of folks whom the Pix would like to see die in 2007:
Michael Irvin.......I had a dream where Irvin and TO were picking up
Nate Newton upon his release from prison (he was arrested for posession
of a truck load of weed) and made their way to a gentleman's club. They
then ran afoul of Tank Johnson and his new possee. The ensuing
conflagration resulted in a whirlwind of lead, rendering the pipemaker
and BO mort.
Nicole Ritchie.....if the paparazzi insists on stalking quasi celebs in
pursuit of the inevitabe beaver shot, why are they punishing us with
pictures of this heinous anorexic skank? I hate her and her hair lipped
father.
Joe Buck......I'm kind of ripping off the sports guy here, but aren't I
allowed to hate him on my own? This sanctimonious weasel should not be
allowed to ruin his good father's name. I swear on the bible that if I
ever see him in person I will walk right up to him and kick him in his
ovaries.
Joe Theisman and Paul Mcguire. I'm not afraid of hell per se, but if
hell means having to listen to these two call a Packers-Falcons
game.......well, then I'm really afraid of hell. Which leads me to
..........
Breet....I this guy plays the slurping game again this offseason I'm
driving to his house, making Big Al eat a block of cheddar and a bowl of
chicken chili with a dollop of sour cream and locking him in Breet's
bathroom. That'll fix him. The Pix....
Pats +3 over Tenn....Here's a dirty little secret about VY. HE CAN'T
THROW THE FOOTBALL. Assume Belichick has figured this out.
Wash +3 against Giants....I have a theory. Eli is gay. That's why his
dad orchestrated a trade to New York and that's why all his teamates
treat him, um, strangely. Think about it. You know I'm right.
Buff +9 against Baltimore. The Ravens are bigger frauds than that
church leader in Utah who was paying for gay sex and crystal meth.
Chi -3 over Pack. They moved the game to 8 o'clock so the nation can
have one giant last slurpathon over Breet. Until next year. Just so
you know, he's 6 interceptions away from passing George Blanda for the
all time record. But he's having fun, right? RIGHT?
Pitt +6 over Cinci. After the game, a massive s.w.a.t. team is called
in to arrest the rest of the Bengals. Then Cowher will fly to a
secluded location and join Breet to decide whether or not to come back
next year. They are like Herpes. They always come back after a good
slurping.
Dallas -12 over Detroit....Romosexual nation is worried about the
playoffs. They should be. Add the Tuna to the guest list in Breet's
cabin.
Cleve +4 over Houston. Um, does Romeo Crennel look big to anyone?
Indy -9 over Mia. Just for the record. Saban goes to Alabama. Colts
beat Jets in playoffs and lose to Ravens in 2nd round. Whoever wins the
NE SD game beats Ravens and wins superbowl. Eli is still gay.
Jags +2.5 over Chefs. Big Al just went to Foodies for chili. An anient
ice cap just broke off from the Canadian arctic. Unrelated stories? Me
thinks not.
Rams -2.5 over Minn. EW is reporting that Victoria Principal is single
again. I've sort of used up my hall passes but thought you guys might
want to know. She was underrated.
Saints +3 versus Carolina. I know Brees has had a good year, but that
birth mark on his face is distracting. In other news, Johnathan Edwards
anounce his presidential candidacy from a hurricane ravaged section of
New Orleans. Subtle. So Gore will anounce from the arctic, Kerry will
anounce from Tikrit and Hilary will anounce flanked by Rosie O'donnel
and Ellen Degeneres.
Oak +13 vs Jets. Let's just say I don't think Chad and Eli are in the
same city by coincidence.
Atl +8 vs Philly. No Jeff Garcia joke here. He's dating Carmela
Decesare. Google her. Images. Your welcome.
Sea +3.5 over Tampa. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson is moving to
Vegas to revive his career. I guess he found out that sleeping with
little boys doesn't really go over that well in Dubai. I never really
understood that move. Women have to wear burkas, but Welcome diddlers!
Donkey's -10 over SF. You heard that Dominic the Donkey song over
Christmas, didn't you? And you thought of the Pix. That's sweet.
AZ +13 vs SD. Note to Jason Taylor. I wouldn't piss off Shawn Merriman
if I were you. Cheating on Zack Thomas' sister is one thing, but
insulting a roided up Merriman is more stupid than pausing for a half
second if your wife asks you how she looks in her jeans. Seriously, it
doesn't matter what you say afte that. It's all about the pause.
That's it for the Pix this year. Hope you enjoyed them. Happy new year
to all..........except Breet.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Friday, December 8, 2006
12/8/06
"Every kiss begins with Kay...." The holiday season is upon us and so
begins the relentless force feeding of jewelry commercials over the
airwaves in pursuit of blackmailing and bribing men everywhere to rid
them of dollar bills better spent supporting local dancers. If the
$11.99 cubic zirconia heart pendant from Bradlees wouldn't get me to
second base with Monique Mancini in the 6th grade, nothing from Kay
jewlers is going to help me out either. And, FYI, Monique had a pretty
sweet rack for 6th grader. Alas, Monique thought my advances were
inappropriate. What I find even more inappropriate are the various
advertising lies perpetrated on the unsuspecting public as we try to get
brain dead in front of the tube and find ourselves vulnerable to their
devious methods of coercion. Here are some more of my favorites:
"Mikey I will save you Money".....is he serious? This dude on the
Lynnway peddling used (oh, I'm sorry) pre-owned vehicles is just about
the last guy in the world I would buy a car from. He's obviously stolen
his fathers one sport coat and has hastilly filmed this commercial that
his buddy wrote in less time than it takes for me to write the pix. And
if he's saving me so much money, why does he have all those hundos
fanned out in his hand? God bless him.
"You can trust Ira"....Really? Something tells me not to.
"800-588-2300 Empiiiire........Today". How about never.
"Diamonds are Forever". Um, actually, they aren't. The Pix.......
Dirty Birds -3 over Tampa. I think it's worth noting here that Mike
Vick got sued for giving a woman the herp while using his alias of Ron
Mexico in the offseason. Just in case you didn't know that.
Cinmates -11 over Raiders. Rookie wide receiver Reggie Mcneil was the
7th Bengal to be arrested this year. Apparently he had a disagreement
with a bouncer at a "club". Congrats, Reggie.
Eagles -1.5 at Skins. Britney apologized yesterday on her web site for
"taking things too far" while partying with homegirls Lindsay and Paris.
Odds on the next hollywood D lister flashing kitty next are, in no
particular order, Connie Chung, Justine Bateman and Bea Arthur.
Giants +3 over Panthers. True Story...some lady farted on a plane last
week and lit a match to mask the odor. The plane emergency landed
because someone smelled the match. I don't have a joke here. The
lesson, as always, women are crazy.
Lions -2.5 over Vikings. What's with the Vikings' purple pants. I had
purple pants in the 80's. I also listend to "Men at Work" and had a
mullett fashioned after Frisco from General Hospital. Good times.
Colts -1.5 over Jags. So NASA thinks they saw water on Mars. I think
the gov't should spend more time probing Uranus. Thanks. I'll be here
all week.
Ravens +3 over Chefs. If Herm Edwards hung out with Ron Mexico, they'd
call him Herp Edwards.
Titans +1.5 over Texans. Think Houston fans wish they had the draft to
do over again with Vince Young coming to town?
Miami +3.5 over Pats. Seriously, Matt Light is a turnstile. Why does
nobody bring this up? I'd rather be condomless in Haiti than have Matt
Light protecting my backside.
Seattle -3 over Cards. Katie Couric's colonoscopy would get higher
ratings.
SF -4.5 over Breet. Remember the Gap commercials from a few years ago
where all those hot chicks were jumping around and dancing? I wish
they'd bring those back.
Bills +4 over Jets. This is where the Mangenius starts to get a little
heat. Jets aren't for real, are they?
Chargers -7.5 over Donkees. Ding a ding ding (hee haw, hee haw) it's
Dominic the Donkey. La la la la the Italian Christmas Donkey. As Bill
Simmons would say, try getting that out of your head now.
Saints +7 over Cowboys. The Romosexuals are in for a surprise this
week.
Bears -6.5 over Rams. If a fat kid joins a school band, do they just
automatically give him the Tuba? What if he wants to play the flute?
Do they just tell him, "No, kid, you play the Tuba". Do you think he
figures it out?
How many years has the Toyotathon been running for, anyway? How come
the guy in the Toyotathon commercial never gets any older? I've never
been to a Toyota dealership, but if I walked into one and there wasn't a
Toyotahon going on I'd be confused at first and then feel kind of ripped
off. It might even drive me to see my boy Mikey I. Cuz, you know, he's
going to save me money.
begins the relentless force feeding of jewelry commercials over the
airwaves in pursuit of blackmailing and bribing men everywhere to rid
them of dollar bills better spent supporting local dancers. If the
$11.99 cubic zirconia heart pendant from Bradlees wouldn't get me to
second base with Monique Mancini in the 6th grade, nothing from Kay
jewlers is going to help me out either. And, FYI, Monique had a pretty
sweet rack for 6th grader. Alas, Monique thought my advances were
inappropriate. What I find even more inappropriate are the various
advertising lies perpetrated on the unsuspecting public as we try to get
brain dead in front of the tube and find ourselves vulnerable to their
devious methods of coercion. Here are some more of my favorites:
"Mikey I will save you Money".....is he serious? This dude on the
Lynnway peddling used (oh, I'm sorry) pre-owned vehicles is just about
the last guy in the world I would buy a car from. He's obviously stolen
his fathers one sport coat and has hastilly filmed this commercial that
his buddy wrote in less time than it takes for me to write the pix. And
if he's saving me so much money, why does he have all those hundos
fanned out in his hand? God bless him.
"You can trust Ira"....Really? Something tells me not to.
"800-588-2300 Empiiiire........Today". How about never.
"Diamonds are Forever". Um, actually, they aren't. The Pix.......
Dirty Birds -3 over Tampa. I think it's worth noting here that Mike
Vick got sued for giving a woman the herp while using his alias of Ron
Mexico in the offseason. Just in case you didn't know that.
Cinmates -11 over Raiders. Rookie wide receiver Reggie Mcneil was the
7th Bengal to be arrested this year. Apparently he had a disagreement
with a bouncer at a "club". Congrats, Reggie.
Eagles -1.5 at Skins. Britney apologized yesterday on her web site for
"taking things too far" while partying with homegirls Lindsay and Paris.
Odds on the next hollywood D lister flashing kitty next are, in no
particular order, Connie Chung, Justine Bateman and Bea Arthur.
Giants +3 over Panthers. True Story...some lady farted on a plane last
week and lit a match to mask the odor. The plane emergency landed
because someone smelled the match. I don't have a joke here. The
lesson, as always, women are crazy.
Lions -2.5 over Vikings. What's with the Vikings' purple pants. I had
purple pants in the 80's. I also listend to "Men at Work" and had a
mullett fashioned after Frisco from General Hospital. Good times.
Colts -1.5 over Jags. So NASA thinks they saw water on Mars. I think
the gov't should spend more time probing Uranus. Thanks. I'll be here
all week.
Ravens +3 over Chefs. If Herm Edwards hung out with Ron Mexico, they'd
call him Herp Edwards.
Titans +1.5 over Texans. Think Houston fans wish they had the draft to
do over again with Vince Young coming to town?
Miami +3.5 over Pats. Seriously, Matt Light is a turnstile. Why does
nobody bring this up? I'd rather be condomless in Haiti than have Matt
Light protecting my backside.
Seattle -3 over Cards. Katie Couric's colonoscopy would get higher
ratings.
SF -4.5 over Breet. Remember the Gap commercials from a few years ago
where all those hot chicks were jumping around and dancing? I wish
they'd bring those back.
Bills +4 over Jets. This is where the Mangenius starts to get a little
heat. Jets aren't for real, are they?
Chargers -7.5 over Donkees. Ding a ding ding (hee haw, hee haw) it's
Dominic the Donkey. La la la la the Italian Christmas Donkey. As Bill
Simmons would say, try getting that out of your head now.
Saints +7 over Cowboys. The Romosexuals are in for a surprise this
week.
Bears -6.5 over Rams. If a fat kid joins a school band, do they just
automatically give him the Tuba? What if he wants to play the flute?
Do they just tell him, "No, kid, you play the Tuba". Do you think he
figures it out?
How many years has the Toyotathon been running for, anyway? How come
the guy in the Toyotathon commercial never gets any older? I've never
been to a Toyota dealership, but if I walked into one and there wasn't a
Toyotahon going on I'd be confused at first and then feel kind of ripped
off. It might even drive me to see my boy Mikey I. Cuz, you know, he's
going to save me money.
Friday, December 1, 2006
12/1/06
As a follow up to the Jihad list, The Pix has decided to to further keep
it real by issuing the WWNMO list. What We Need More Of. For too long
the persecuted and downtrodden men of the North Shore have been
repressed by societal prejudices and Oprah watchers into living lives of
quiet desperation. We need to stand up and reclaim our manifest rights
to uphold the triple standard (rules for men, rules for women, and a
third set for North Shore Men) and once and for all establish our
position on the totem pole of life. The following are but just a few
ideas for the NSM.
1. Put the Cabaret on the North side of RT.1....the position of the
local ballet is a disaster. Regional single mothers are egregiously
being denied many dollar bills due to poor (pardon the pun) pole
position. A recent survey of NSM has revealled a shocking lack of
participation in supporting the arts. Either wise Lynn entrepeneurs
need to open an establishment for aspiring dancers next to bldg 19 on
the Lynnway, or the Banana needs to reopen. It's simple trickle down
economics. Let's do our part.
2. We need to start traveling in Possees. The Burbank constabulary
recently accosted Snoop Dog for traveling with weapons and narcotics
after a stint on Leno. Snoop wisely informed the officers that the two
gentlemen traveling with him in his ride were the actual owners of said
arms and paraphinalia. Genius. Not only did the man name his last
tour, "Doggiestyle", his songs all celebrate his various illegal
endeavors and yet the police can do nothing other than harrass his
possee. I'm not sure how to implement this locally yet, but I'm working
on it.
3. We need a better sports bar. With apologies to the Sky Box and the
Dugout, we have nowhere to all get togeter and bad mouth Nancy Pelosi
and Oprah. Sidlines is the best local establishment, but cooking butts
and fighting over the Golden Tee machine with various wig wogs while the
latest 50 cent opus blasts at 6000 decibels is, in the words of the
immortal BC, sub-optimal. The 3 Cod tavern can not open soon enough.
4. We need our own holiday. TC can attest to the fact that in the
early 90's several of us would march from Barney's to Morton's and
celebrate with a feast that Mike Cronin would then expense and we would
give him cash for. We need to expand this and make it a tradition.
Here's a humble rough itinerary. 18 at Tedesco. Lunch at the 3 Cod.
Safe transportation to ballet for several amateur performances. More
safe transportaion to Morton's. A private demonstration of alternative
lifestyes featuring saphic gymnastics and cuddling followed by safe
transportation home. Objections? The Pix....
Motor city Kitties +14 vs NE. Too many points.
Chicago -9 over Min. Perhaps Fred Smoot's nautical parties could serve
as potential festivity ideas.
NY +3.5 vs Dallas. They need it more.
Donkeys -3 over Seattle. Donkeys play their lead record 306th
consecutive home game.
Indy -7.5 over Ten. The Titan's season makes less sense than that
Stevie Wonder music video from the 80's where a piece of toast floats
around the screen for 4 minutes.
KC - 5 at the Cleve. Larry Johnson came out this week and said he plays
better for Herm Edwards than Dick Vermiel because of shared ancestry.
How, then, does Larry explain the Raiders and Cardinals?
Mia -1.5 vs. Jax. Two teams on inevitable finishes of 8-8.
NO -7 over SF. Bob Lobel slurs worse than Dick Clark, post stroke,
enduring freezing temps and having to share the stage with Stu Scott on
the New Years Rockin Eve. Someone get B-Lo some safe transportation.
Jets -1.5 at Breet. Run, don't walk to Jason Whitlock's article on AOL
sports today. He discusses my two main men Breet and Michael Irvin.
Oakland -3 over Houston. Art Shell thinks someone from within the
organization is undermining him. In other news, TC blames a speeding
ticket he got on a school paper I wrote at Pingree. Apologies to those
not on the Paddle email string.
Tampa +7 at Turd Burglar. If Braeburn were getting points at Pitt this
week I might take Braeburn.
SD -6 at Buffalo. Buffalo seems like a good destination for the 1st
annual NSM field trip.
AZ + 6.5 at Rams. Pete Carrol to the Cardinals is a worse career move
than Michael Irvin to the 700 club.
Wash -2 vs Falcons. Too many jokes. Head might explode.
Carolina pick over Philly. The End.
What has happened to the packaging industry? From trying to open a
packet of Dayquil tablets to buying a wrench at Ace hardware, I need a
buck knife and a crow bar to open anything these days. Forget the
multi-billion dollar wall along the Mexican border, just make it out of
that plastic they wrap kids toys in these days and put the rest of the
money into cancer research. Then, with all the excess $ we've saved the
taxpayers, we can petition the gov't for an official NSM holiday.
Complete with safe transportation........
it real by issuing the WWNMO list. What We Need More Of. For too long
the persecuted and downtrodden men of the North Shore have been
repressed by societal prejudices and Oprah watchers into living lives of
quiet desperation. We need to stand up and reclaim our manifest rights
to uphold the triple standard (rules for men, rules for women, and a
third set for North Shore Men) and once and for all establish our
position on the totem pole of life. The following are but just a few
ideas for the NSM.
1. Put the Cabaret on the North side of RT.1....the position of the
local ballet is a disaster. Regional single mothers are egregiously
being denied many dollar bills due to poor (pardon the pun) pole
position. A recent survey of NSM has revealled a shocking lack of
participation in supporting the arts. Either wise Lynn entrepeneurs
need to open an establishment for aspiring dancers next to bldg 19 on
the Lynnway, or the Banana needs to reopen. It's simple trickle down
economics. Let's do our part.
2. We need to start traveling in Possees. The Burbank constabulary
recently accosted Snoop Dog for traveling with weapons and narcotics
after a stint on Leno. Snoop wisely informed the officers that the two
gentlemen traveling with him in his ride were the actual owners of said
arms and paraphinalia. Genius. Not only did the man name his last
tour, "Doggiestyle", his songs all celebrate his various illegal
endeavors and yet the police can do nothing other than harrass his
possee. I'm not sure how to implement this locally yet, but I'm working
on it.
3. We need a better sports bar. With apologies to the Sky Box and the
Dugout, we have nowhere to all get togeter and bad mouth Nancy Pelosi
and Oprah. Sidlines is the best local establishment, but cooking butts
and fighting over the Golden Tee machine with various wig wogs while the
latest 50 cent opus blasts at 6000 decibels is, in the words of the
immortal BC, sub-optimal. The 3 Cod tavern can not open soon enough.
4. We need our own holiday. TC can attest to the fact that in the
early 90's several of us would march from Barney's to Morton's and
celebrate with a feast that Mike Cronin would then expense and we would
give him cash for. We need to expand this and make it a tradition.
Here's a humble rough itinerary. 18 at Tedesco. Lunch at the 3 Cod.
Safe transportation to ballet for several amateur performances. More
safe transportaion to Morton's. A private demonstration of alternative
lifestyes featuring saphic gymnastics and cuddling followed by safe
transportation home. Objections? The Pix....
Motor city Kitties +14 vs NE. Too many points.
Chicago -9 over Min. Perhaps Fred Smoot's nautical parties could serve
as potential festivity ideas.
NY +3.5 vs Dallas. They need it more.
Donkeys -3 over Seattle. Donkeys play their lead record 306th
consecutive home game.
Indy -7.5 over Ten. The Titan's season makes less sense than that
Stevie Wonder music video from the 80's where a piece of toast floats
around the screen for 4 minutes.
KC - 5 at the Cleve. Larry Johnson came out this week and said he plays
better for Herm Edwards than Dick Vermiel because of shared ancestry.
How, then, does Larry explain the Raiders and Cardinals?
Mia -1.5 vs. Jax. Two teams on inevitable finishes of 8-8.
NO -7 over SF. Bob Lobel slurs worse than Dick Clark, post stroke,
enduring freezing temps and having to share the stage with Stu Scott on
the New Years Rockin Eve. Someone get B-Lo some safe transportation.
Jets -1.5 at Breet. Run, don't walk to Jason Whitlock's article on AOL
sports today. He discusses my two main men Breet and Michael Irvin.
Oakland -3 over Houston. Art Shell thinks someone from within the
organization is undermining him. In other news, TC blames a speeding
ticket he got on a school paper I wrote at Pingree. Apologies to those
not on the Paddle email string.
Tampa +7 at Turd Burglar. If Braeburn were getting points at Pitt this
week I might take Braeburn.
SD -6 at Buffalo. Buffalo seems like a good destination for the 1st
annual NSM field trip.
AZ + 6.5 at Rams. Pete Carrol to the Cardinals is a worse career move
than Michael Irvin to the 700 club.
Wash -2 vs Falcons. Too many jokes. Head might explode.
Carolina pick over Philly. The End.
What has happened to the packaging industry? From trying to open a
packet of Dayquil tablets to buying a wrench at Ace hardware, I need a
buck knife and a crow bar to open anything these days. Forget the
multi-billion dollar wall along the Mexican border, just make it out of
that plastic they wrap kids toys in these days and put the rest of the
money into cancer research. Then, with all the excess $ we've saved the
taxpayers, we can petition the gov't for an official NSM holiday.
Complete with safe transportation........
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
What, you thought no pix on the short week? Au contaire mon frer. This
flu ridden poor excuse for a man is hopped up on Dayquil, Afrin, coffe,
Halls and still has the remnants of Gunner Lamb's organic brownies
floating in the system. You can't stop the pix, you can only hope to
contain them. As we prepare for the holiday weekend, it's a good time
to reflect on amusing anecdotes from Thanksgivings past and take a
moment to analyze the current state of the pharmaceutical industry and
how it advertises during football season. Food, booze, male enhancement
drugs, family dysfunction and......the Pix.
Mia-3 at Detroit.....Joey Harrington returns to his dysfuntional roots
and passes for 300 yards while looking up at Matt Millen in the Luxury
box the way the Rocket stared down the Duke upon his return to Fenway.
Dallas-11 over Bucs. What's wrong with Jessica Simpson's mouth during
those dish network commercials? Her face has more ticks than Johnny
Mitchell after a bad weed deal.
KC pick over Denver. Contrary to original plans, the Skybox will be
closed due to a petri dish of microbials floating in the atmosphere of 4
Savoy.
Wardo -17 beverages Wed afternoon and evening. 19th hole, Mandarin,
Ripper, Flynnies, Ripper, Italian place, Ripper, Fantasy Island.
Pat's -3 over Chicago. Enzyte is currently being advertised during all
footall games. It is a pill that promises to add, um, enhancement and
satisfaction. In other words, it's supposed to make your unit grow.
Here's my question, if it works, wouldn't someone out there get carried
away and end up with a 3 foot python? It's like wrinkle cream for
women. Billions of dollars are spent by women on wrinkle cream, yet all
women have wrinkles. You would think they would have this figured out
by now.
Buff +3 over Jax. And if Enzyte worked, do you really think you would
need and advertising campain? I'm thinking word of mouth might be
enough here. Wait, there's a pill that erases the Irish curse? I think
I'd pay more than $39.99. Just sayin.
B'more -3 over the Turd Burglar. If Enzyte worked, Fast Willie Parker
would be Willie the Tripod. But the Burglar would still throw 3 picks.
Cimmats -3 at the Cleve. My guess is that Romeo Crennel doesn't need
Enzyte. Michael Richards, was that you?
Minn-6 over AZ...I have a hard time with some drug company names. I
understand Viagra and Levitra, but what is Cialis supposed to mean?
Were Bonera and Stiffhardia already taken?
SF +5.5 over Rams....Still on big Pharma here. Did they really need 3
competing pills that all do the same thing and then spend billions in
advertising? Couldn't the gov't step in and say thanks for the dix
pills guys, now back to cancer research. It just doesn't make sense to
me.
Atl -3 over NO. In roughly 1998 I was at Thanksgiving in Yonkers NY.
It was my first Thanksgiving away from Lolo's table. There was celery
in the mashed potatoes and walnuts in the stuffing. Shortly thereafter,
papers were filed. Shout out to Dan Quayle on the potatoe.
Carolina-4 over Skins. AT TK in roughly 2000 I was in Beverly Farms.
It was my first TK at the Pruett ranch and the thermostat was at 100 cuz
Grandma P was still kicking. I wore a blue shirt and a tweed jacket.
They sat me next to the fireplace. All the men removed their coats
before grace and I was pitted out from my neck to my elbows. Good
times.
Indy -9 over Philly. Donna Sheehan, age 76, is organizing a Global
Orgasm for peace this week. True story, check the Drudge Report. Not
sure about the peace thing, but the Pix generally endorses the other.
Giants -3 at Ten....Enzyte is the official enhancment pill of the
Giants. Get it?
Oak +13 at Sd. Let down week for Chargers.
Seattle NL over Breet. I loved the way Breet came out of the locker
room in the second half 5 minutes after the rest of his team and then
ran back during another play stoppage. Not that Breet is an attention
monger or anything.
That's it. Sorry not up to Jihad standards this week. Have a happy
Thanksgiving everyone.
flu ridden poor excuse for a man is hopped up on Dayquil, Afrin, coffe,
Halls and still has the remnants of Gunner Lamb's organic brownies
floating in the system. You can't stop the pix, you can only hope to
contain them. As we prepare for the holiday weekend, it's a good time
to reflect on amusing anecdotes from Thanksgivings past and take a
moment to analyze the current state of the pharmaceutical industry and
how it advertises during football season. Food, booze, male enhancement
drugs, family dysfunction and......the Pix.
Mia-3 at Detroit.....Joey Harrington returns to his dysfuntional roots
and passes for 300 yards while looking up at Matt Millen in the Luxury
box the way the Rocket stared down the Duke upon his return to Fenway.
Dallas-11 over Bucs. What's wrong with Jessica Simpson's mouth during
those dish network commercials? Her face has more ticks than Johnny
Mitchell after a bad weed deal.
KC pick over Denver. Contrary to original plans, the Skybox will be
closed due to a petri dish of microbials floating in the atmosphere of 4
Savoy.
Wardo -17 beverages Wed afternoon and evening. 19th hole, Mandarin,
Ripper, Flynnies, Ripper, Italian place, Ripper, Fantasy Island.
Pat's -3 over Chicago. Enzyte is currently being advertised during all
footall games. It is a pill that promises to add, um, enhancement and
satisfaction. In other words, it's supposed to make your unit grow.
Here's my question, if it works, wouldn't someone out there get carried
away and end up with a 3 foot python? It's like wrinkle cream for
women. Billions of dollars are spent by women on wrinkle cream, yet all
women have wrinkles. You would think they would have this figured out
by now.
Buff +3 over Jax. And if Enzyte worked, do you really think you would
need and advertising campain? I'm thinking word of mouth might be
enough here. Wait, there's a pill that erases the Irish curse? I think
I'd pay more than $39.99. Just sayin.
B'more -3 over the Turd Burglar. If Enzyte worked, Fast Willie Parker
would be Willie the Tripod. But the Burglar would still throw 3 picks.
Cimmats -3 at the Cleve. My guess is that Romeo Crennel doesn't need
Enzyte. Michael Richards, was that you?
Minn-6 over AZ...I have a hard time with some drug company names. I
understand Viagra and Levitra, but what is Cialis supposed to mean?
Were Bonera and Stiffhardia already taken?
SF +5.5 over Rams....Still on big Pharma here. Did they really need 3
competing pills that all do the same thing and then spend billions in
advertising? Couldn't the gov't step in and say thanks for the dix
pills guys, now back to cancer research. It just doesn't make sense to
me.
Atl -3 over NO. In roughly 1998 I was at Thanksgiving in Yonkers NY.
It was my first Thanksgiving away from Lolo's table. There was celery
in the mashed potatoes and walnuts in the stuffing. Shortly thereafter,
papers were filed. Shout out to Dan Quayle on the potatoe.
Carolina-4 over Skins. AT TK in roughly 2000 I was in Beverly Farms.
It was my first TK at the Pruett ranch and the thermostat was at 100 cuz
Grandma P was still kicking. I wore a blue shirt and a tweed jacket.
They sat me next to the fireplace. All the men removed their coats
before grace and I was pitted out from my neck to my elbows. Good
times.
Indy -9 over Philly. Donna Sheehan, age 76, is organizing a Global
Orgasm for peace this week. True story, check the Drudge Report. Not
sure about the peace thing, but the Pix generally endorses the other.
Giants -3 at Ten....Enzyte is the official enhancment pill of the
Giants. Get it?
Oak +13 at Sd. Let down week for Chargers.
Seattle NL over Breet. I loved the way Breet came out of the locker
room in the second half 5 minutes after the rest of his team and then
ran back during another play stoppage. Not that Breet is an attention
monger or anything.
That's it. Sorry not up to Jihad standards this week. Have a happy
Thanksgiving everyone.
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