Playoffs?

The Pix can't remember the last time week 17 of the NFL season meant anything but a quasi bye week for the Pats as they rested players to prepare for, as the Tuna would say, "the tournament". Statistically, the Pats have a 33% chance of returning to the postseason based on the scenarios that will play out this afternoon. Anyone who reads this blog knows what has to happen, so I won't repeat it. Let's just break down the games....

Pats at Buffalo. Um, duh, Pat's win. When it comes to NE domination of Buffalo, the Bills should change their names to the gimps. Twice a year we pull them out of some trunk in a pawn shop basement and have our way with them. And they like it. Not to mention the fact that the Pats may be the hottest team in football right now. The Pix can't stress enough how much the rest of the league will be pulling for the Guru to miss the playoffs. Talk about a rooster in the hen house. The guy loses the league MVP, starting tailback, both defensive captains.........the list is too long to complete. And his team is on the verge of an 11-5 season having taken a backup quarterback people had presumed would be cut before the season and turned him into a pro bowl caliber player. Belichick should be league MVP. If anyone else gets coach of the year (and Jeff Fisher will) it will be rigged worse than Blogojevich's political appointments. Here's the list of people the Pix would want to be stranded on a desert island with.....Jessica Biel, Beyonce, the Mexican bird from "Spanglish" (under rated movie) and the Guru. Check that. The Guru would be first because he'd coach us into building a casino that would make Steve Wynn's joints look like "the green spot" and then Jessica and Beyonce would come to us. Because that's how the Guru rolls.

Baltimore vs Jax. I'd say a 40-60 chance of a Ravens loss here. We'll know everything we need to in the first half. If the Jaguars can hang around for a while, the noose will tighten a little around the Ravens' necks and the coaches will reign in Flacco. Rookie qb's in must win playoff type games have a tendency to screw the pooch. It will help that the Jags have nothing to lose and HOPEFULLY the imbecile Jack Del Rio will coach like he has more than one testicle. A first for him. Seriously, Jack.....fake punts, going for it on all fourth and shorts.....you have nothing to lose here. Forget for a day that you are more conservative than Hugh Hewitt and you coach like your sphincter is tighter than Billy Hayes' in "Midnight Express. The Pats need you.

Jets vs Dolphins. How did it come to this? Really? The Pix has to root for Breet? This game will be like watching 2 ex-wives wrestling over a dude in a bar and actually having to root for the one you dislike more. Does that make sense? Let's just say it's a tough one for the Pix and leave it at that. As for the football.......just a really strange game. The Jets are actually favored by 3.....so Vegas thinks it's a toss up. One thing for sure, this one will be excruciating. A game full of mistakes that will go down to the wire and ultimately, the Pix fears, ends poorly for Pats fans. And conspiracy theories will abound. Why does the league permit this game to be at 4:00 pm? How is that fair? The Jets will have NO INCENTIVE to win when they see that we beat Buffalo. This is a travesty of justice worse than the first OJ verdict. The Pix will be reaching out to Ron Goldman after this game to find a good civil attorney. Final score........Mia 24...Jets 21.

All other games.....who cares? Other than the fact that the Pix would like to see Dallas lose and see the look on Wade Phillips' face. His face in the fourth quarter of close games reminds the Pix of the face on offical son #1 during the initial stages of potty training. He's a little confused by the whole process but realizes it's pretty important and that mommy and daddy are rooting for him. Then, when he accidentally hoses down the bath mat he just looks up and hopes it's ok. Sure, Wade...it's ok. Someone will need a defensive coordinator next year.

Sorry for the late post. A special tribute to Breet coming soon. Anyone in the vicinity of 49 Shorewood today is invited by for some holiday deliciousness and a game of ping pong. Go Pats.