Let's jump right in, shall we? For those of you who have been reading the Pix for the last few years, welcome to the blog. Thanks to Jamie Tedford, the Pix was dragged into the internets age with the google and here we are. Thanks Jamie. The three main reasons for the transition from email are convenience, getting away from big brother and the ability to blog from home after a few cans of deliciousness. If it's anything like the Pix' drinking and dialing days from the 90's things should get interesting. A quick review of the last few years....
Breet=Brett Farve. Public enemy #1. Since Breet can't spell his last name correctly we've decided to help him with his first as well. Please browse the archives to get the true flavor of the Pix disdain for the main stain. He's a douche. (did you see that? The Pix swore.....first time in the history of the Pix. FREEDOM).
Ladudian Tampon=Ladanian Tomlinson. Overrated and lame. Took and continues to take massive beatdowns after complaining about Pats celebrating on Chargers field.
Turd Burglar=Ben Roethlisberger. Overrated. Weaker arm than Matt Cassell with half the ability to read a defense. Hid behind great Steeler line for years but couldn't hide from the Pix. Likes to sign multi million dollar contracts and then ride his rice rocket sans helmet.
Sarah Palin. Please refer to the 9/3 beatdown given to presumptive VPILF. Now that she is making noises about running in 2012, the Pix can breathe a sigh of relief. There's nobody with a comedy ceiling higher than Sarah. She'll be leaving us for a while after next Tuesday, but let's hope she doesn't stay away for long. Maybe she'll even give her first press conference some day. (one last thing......we know Sarah is somewhat anti-academic, but shouldn't her kids be in school and not on the campaign trail? Is it summer vacation in Alaska? Shouldn't Willow, Trag, Butterknife and Sand dune be getting an education?)
The Pix
Nada the last few weeks. 32 and 14 on season vs spread. For entertainment purposes only.
Buffalo-5 over Jeets. Since the Pix has been on hiatus, it has been revealed that Breet called the Lions in an effort to foil Aaron Rodgers and the Pack. In addition, Deanna Favre is all ove the national media crying that people have been mean to Breet. Deanna, Mother Theresa had worse pub than your husband, who, while racking up the all time league interception record was treated daily to full body massages with happy endings from the entire league media. These people will never get it. Louis IV acted less entitled. Prediction: if Breet throws 2 first half picks, he retires. Then, well, you know.
Chi-12 vs DET
Jax-7 at Cinci. TJ houseyourmamma guaranteed to the Bungles faithful this week that they would win at least on game this season. Um, ok. The Pix guarantees that the S+P 500 will not go to zero. Feel better?
Cleve even over Ravens. Just don't know if Joey Flaccid will stay up for the Ravens (rim shot).
TB-9 over KC. Yawn
Houston + 5 over Minny. Blurgh.
Arizona-2 over Rams. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.
GB +6 over Ten...And we're back. At some point the Pix would like to write more about his pilgrimage to Mecca (Lambeau Field) a few weeks back. Here's some quick and dirty......it is impossible to go to this stadium and tailgate with Packer fans and not immediately become a Pack fan. Granted, the Pix couldn't say this if Breet were involved, but he no longer is. The Philly fans are every bit as enthusiastic as Pack fans but they can't compete with the atmosphere that is GB. (The Pix is a homer, but please don't mention Pats games or the Foxboro fans. We just aren't in the same league). We were the only car in our tailgate section with tickets to the game! These people just tailgate, get hammered and go home to watch the game and eat more Brats. They truly get it. The Pix would also take the over on percent of fans at the game that had recently killed something. Just sayin'. Huge thanks to Jeff Walker and Dick Davis for introducing the Pix to the "Sconnie" way of life. Bacon, birds, beer, brats and no Breet. Delicious. Once the Pix figures out the internets more, some photos of the pilgrimage will be up on the blog.
Mia +3 over Donkees. Ricky Williams says, "vote yes on question 2".
Giants-7 over Romosexuals. Watching Jerry Jones' face when he lies to the camera about Wade Philips' job security or how Pac man is just misunderstood is almost as good as watching McCain try to keep a straight face about how Wasilla Sarah is qualified to be President. Their faces go completely red and their eyes start twitching like inspector Clouseau's lieutenant or Kathryn Hepburn on two pots of black coffee (thanks to Nick Depaulo).
Atl-3 over Oakland. For Halloween, Al Davis is going to go as.......Al Davis.
Philly-7 over Sea. Is this line right? Lock of week. (carefull TC)
Wash-1 over Turd. The Burglar needs to watch his grape this week. He'd be safer on a motorcycle than behinc the battered Steeler line.
Indy -5 over Pats. Sorry, that's just how it is going to go down. The Pix still has the Pats making the playoffs, but the Colts entire season is on the line here.
That wraps up the first blog entry not copy and pasted from past emails. Feel free to comment (another pro for the blog format) and check back for mid week updates. The Pix will have an updated jihad list soon as well as a consumer product review of major toilet paper brands.
Happy Halloween
The Pix
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
The PIX- 10/3
What a week. Really. Totally insane. John Paul Sartre famously wrote that "Hell is other people". He would really have hated living in 2008.
Let's try to lighten things up a little, shall we? Official wife and the Pix tuned into the VP debate last night hoping for some high comedy.
After watching clips of the Katie Couric interview all week, the Pix half expected the lipstick pit bull to feint, run out of the room crying or maybe just open the debate by saying "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." Instead she.....well....she proved once again that she can read and that she would make a moderately decent local tv anchor, as long as someone taught her how to correctly pronounce the word "nuclear". The Pix honestly can't understand how this person could be this close to becoming President. Which leads us to this week's theme: Things the Pix doesn't get....
1. Washing the outside of the car. I don't get it. Isn't that what the paint is for? I mean, you bought the paint, right? Doesn't it keep the rain and sun and dirt and salt and all that stuff out of the inside of the car? Whenever the Pix drives by the car wash and sees people actually waiting in line, wasting their time and then paying for a car wash....I just think what a colossal waste of time. And some people go like once a week. I don't get it.
2. Clothes with writing on the butt. I don't get it. The only logical thing I can think of to print on the rear of a pair of pants or shorts is "hey, look at my a#$". And isn't that redundant? And while we are on female fashion, could someone please wake me up when the over size sunglass look goes out of style again? Please? I appreciate it. And let's just skip the tattoo and piercing comments. You know how the Pix feels about that, right?
3. Making the bed. Is there a more useless exercise than making the bed?
4. People who ask "what kind of salad dressing do you have?" How many types are there? Like 5 majors, right? And shouldn't anyone over the age of 13 have a pretty well established dressing of preference and a fairly automatic back up? It's not like the FDA is going to approve a new and revolutionary dressing overnight. And even if they did it's unlikely the "Muffin Shop" would have it yet. Italian, Russian, Blue Cheese, Ranch, Oil and Vinegar and most likely some bull $h)t diet vinaigrette. That's it. That's the list. (maybe Greek or tangy tasty parmesan peppercorn, but that's it)
5. Fish tacos
6. People who think drinking alone constitutes a problem. The Pix has said this before, but it warrants repeating....you are not drinking alone if the TV is on.
7. Pole Vaulting. I get the Olympic sport, I just don't get where it comes from. Let's assume most of the original Olympic sports were born of some military use. Running. Throwing a big stone. Throwing a spear.
I get those. But let's say you invented pole vaulting and you use it in a battle and successfully vault yourself into the enemy's castle. Then what? You're hosed. And you're dead. And I can't imagine any of your buddies are going to want to go next. It just doesn't make sense. I don't get it.
8. Hollow chocolate Easter bunnies. Why don't they make solid ones any more? Isn't half the pleasure of biting into the bunny's head the reassuring knowledge that you have this huge piece of candy and you're
only one bite into it? And then you feel the hollow crumbles break
apart and you realize you have been gypped. Easter is lame enough as it is. Until the lamb dinner. Ummmmm. The Pix loves lamb with some nice mint jelly and mashed potatoes with lamb gravy....
9. Musical guests on SNL. The Pix originally thought the best part of tivo was fast forwarding through the commercials. That has been far surpassed by having the ability to fast forward through the worst 4 minutes of TV every week. (And now the band plays twice!). Dear Mr.
Michaels, I watch your show for cheap humor and the occasional mean spirited barb. Not to be reminded on weekly basis just how bad music has become. I don't get it. Thanks, The Pix.....
Last week, bye. Two weeks ago, 10-6. Total for season 32-14 against the spread. (for entertainment purposes only)
Tenn -3 over Bal
NY -7 over Sea
Philly -5 over Wash
SD -7 over Mia
Chi -3 over Det
GB no line over ATL
Indy -3 over Hous
Carolina -10 over KC
Denver -3 over TB
Buff + 2 over AZ
NE -3 over SF
Dallas -17 over Cin
Jax -4 over Turd
NO -3 over Minn
Bonus Pix....Red Sox in 4, TB in 4, LA in 4 and Philly in 4.
Special Pix prediction....McCain wins less than 15 states in November.
Right now he leads in poles in 24. Check out Intrade.com for that info.
New item for the Pix......TV trivia. Each week the Pix will reveal the winner (whoever emails the correct answer 1st) and have some sort of award for winning the season (probably a cold can of deliciousness)
What is the name of the beverage that Grandpa would sneak off and drink with the Baldwin sisters? No Google!
Next week......the return of the ovarian consultant.
Pix out.
Let's try to lighten things up a little, shall we? Official wife and the Pix tuned into the VP debate last night hoping for some high comedy.
After watching clips of the Katie Couric interview all week, the Pix half expected the lipstick pit bull to feint, run out of the room crying or maybe just open the debate by saying "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." Instead she.....well....she proved once again that she can read and that she would make a moderately decent local tv anchor, as long as someone taught her how to correctly pronounce the word "nuclear". The Pix honestly can't understand how this person could be this close to becoming President. Which leads us to this week's theme: Things the Pix doesn't get....
1. Washing the outside of the car. I don't get it. Isn't that what the paint is for? I mean, you bought the paint, right? Doesn't it keep the rain and sun and dirt and salt and all that stuff out of the inside of the car? Whenever the Pix drives by the car wash and sees people actually waiting in line, wasting their time and then paying for a car wash....I just think what a colossal waste of time. And some people go like once a week. I don't get it.
2. Clothes with writing on the butt. I don't get it. The only logical thing I can think of to print on the rear of a pair of pants or shorts is "hey, look at my a#$". And isn't that redundant? And while we are on female fashion, could someone please wake me up when the over size sunglass look goes out of style again? Please? I appreciate it. And let's just skip the tattoo and piercing comments. You know how the Pix feels about that, right?
3. Making the bed. Is there a more useless exercise than making the bed?
4. People who ask "what kind of salad dressing do you have?" How many types are there? Like 5 majors, right? And shouldn't anyone over the age of 13 have a pretty well established dressing of preference and a fairly automatic back up? It's not like the FDA is going to approve a new and revolutionary dressing overnight. And even if they did it's unlikely the "Muffin Shop" would have it yet. Italian, Russian, Blue Cheese, Ranch, Oil and Vinegar and most likely some bull $h)t diet vinaigrette. That's it. That's the list. (maybe Greek or tangy tasty parmesan peppercorn, but that's it)
5. Fish tacos
6. People who think drinking alone constitutes a problem. The Pix has said this before, but it warrants repeating....you are not drinking alone if the TV is on.
7. Pole Vaulting. I get the Olympic sport, I just don't get where it comes from. Let's assume most of the original Olympic sports were born of some military use. Running. Throwing a big stone. Throwing a spear.
I get those. But let's say you invented pole vaulting and you use it in a battle and successfully vault yourself into the enemy's castle. Then what? You're hosed. And you're dead. And I can't imagine any of your buddies are going to want to go next. It just doesn't make sense. I don't get it.
8. Hollow chocolate Easter bunnies. Why don't they make solid ones any more? Isn't half the pleasure of biting into the bunny's head the reassuring knowledge that you have this huge piece of candy and you're
only one bite into it? And then you feel the hollow crumbles break
apart and you realize you have been gypped. Easter is lame enough as it is. Until the lamb dinner. Ummmmm. The Pix loves lamb with some nice mint jelly and mashed potatoes with lamb gravy....
9. Musical guests on SNL. The Pix originally thought the best part of tivo was fast forwarding through the commercials. That has been far surpassed by having the ability to fast forward through the worst 4 minutes of TV every week. (And now the band plays twice!). Dear Mr.
Michaels, I watch your show for cheap humor and the occasional mean spirited barb. Not to be reminded on weekly basis just how bad music has become. I don't get it. Thanks, The Pix.....
Last week, bye. Two weeks ago, 10-6. Total for season 32-14 against the spread. (for entertainment purposes only)
Tenn -3 over Bal
NY -7 over Sea
Philly -5 over Wash
SD -7 over Mia
Chi -3 over Det
GB no line over ATL
Indy -3 over Hous
Carolina -10 over KC
Denver -3 over TB
Buff + 2 over AZ
NE -3 over SF
Dallas -17 over Cin
Jax -4 over Turd
NO -3 over Minn
Bonus Pix....Red Sox in 4, TB in 4, LA in 4 and Philly in 4.
Special Pix prediction....McCain wins less than 15 states in November.
Right now he leads in poles in 24. Check out Intrade.com for that info.
New item for the Pix......TV trivia. Each week the Pix will reveal the winner (whoever emails the correct answer 1st) and have some sort of award for winning the season (probably a cold can of deliciousness)
What is the name of the beverage that Grandpa would sneak off and drink with the Baldwin sisters? No Google!
Next week......the return of the ovarian consultant.
Pix out.
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