The Pix has had a little difficulty getting back to the keyboard lately. After Marblehead Superbowl weekend, L'affaire Tiger broke and sucked all the air out of the blogosphere. Every morning we are treated to an Advent calendar style of fresh Tiger nip (trying to keep it PG here). The jokes write themselves, the Shaddenfreude is omnipresent and the whole sordid delicious deal continues to gather steam like Matt Evans on punt coverage. To complicate matters in a Pix blogging sense, the official wife and the Pix have some different opinions regarding the matter. While the Pix is outraged by El Tigre's behavior, the official wife thinks that a double standard should apply to athletes and their "transgressions" on a sliding scale based on how much money they make. For example, the official wife has come up with a matrix of acceptable misdeeds that she applies to certain classes of athletes/celebs.
Michael Jordan: The official wife thinks that Jordan (although recently finally divorced), due to his 6 rings and multiple endorsements, should have been able to "party" with multiple partners and that Mrs Jordan should have just known that that's life in the NBA.......National Booty Association. Naturally, the Pix could not disagree more. When not playing hoops, Jordan should have been juicing carrots, reading scripture and building shelters for migrant workers.
Charles Barkley: Here again, let's quote the official wife, "I don't care if Sir Charles runs around Vegas with his pants around his ankles waiving hundos in one hand and his 9 millimeter in the other (the Pix hopes she was referring to a pistol). What man in the world can resist temptation when it's thrown in his face 24/7? It's really not fair to the players........they are away from home so much." Alrighty then, let's just say the Pix has a more family centric philosophy.
Tiger: The official wife thinks that unless Elin can shoot 67 at Pebble, win at St. Andrews without pulling driver and collect hundreds of millions in annual endorsements, she should shut her yap at the least and buy Tiger the new LG3 text phone as an over due "I'm sorry" for bringing all this attention to her man. It's an interesting take, the Pix has to admit. Although the Pix adheres to a rigid code of conduct and is appalled by the official wife's liberal ideas, the Pix is willing to at least respect her opinions.
Moving on.......to the Pix' surprise, emails have been arriving complaining that not enough attention is being given to the NFL.......and.....well......picking games. So let's get to it. Each game will have the precise final score and a little randomness as well. Merry Christmas.
Dallas 31, New Orleans 30. This is a do or die game for the Romosexuals. The Saints are better off losing a game and this is the only one left on the schedule that should be close. In other new, WTF is Luke Wilson doing those horrible AT+T commercials for? Dude used to be legitimately B list. In addition to making a run at the "Alec Baldwin award for face being twice as fat as it used to be", the Pix hasn't seen anyone this disinterested in their job since Randy Moss vs. Carolina. Go make a movie, funny man.
Philly 24, SF 13. Speaking of commercials, I'm going to kick Regis Philbin in the ovaries. This whole "America's most convenient bank" bullshit is making the Pix want to rub his ass in barbed wire and sit in a bowl of gin. What's convenient about a bank? The Pix finds the dentist more convenient. That's why the ATM was invented, dipshits. Because people HATE going to the bank. By the way, TD Bank, you might want to google "online banking" before you spend millions of dollars paying Regis to hold the door open for the 3 fossils left who write checks and talk to tellers.
Arizona 38, Detroit 10. Holy easy money, Batman. A 12 point line on a game the Cardinals must have given their loss to SF last Monday. And didn't Detroit lose by 40 last week to Colby? The Pix has been following the nonsense in Copenhagen this week, by the way. Did you know that the rising carbon dioxide levels in the ocean are making Lobsters bigger? Given the choice between fewer polar bears and super sized lobbies, the Pix says "Pass the butter".
Houston 90, Rams 0. The Pix would like to officially thank Matt Shaub for having the game of his life last week and knocking the Pix (and thanks to you too, Mr. Brady) out of the double secret probation round of his fantasy football league. Fantasy football this year has been as much fun as getting shrivel dick in front of the hot 23 year old nurse before Dr. Nomoreswimmers does his thing.
Cleveland 12, KC 11. What a barn burner of a game. CBS should hire Shelby Scott to do color and hope for a hurricane. In related news, the Pix is watching FOX news....there's some mother missing. Here's a tip from detective Pix.......look in the husband's trunk. Is it EVER anyone else? Insert Elin jokes here...
Patriots 31, Buffalo 21. If we can't beat the Bills with an interim coach and backup QB, then let's just call the season off, shall we? And while we are calling things off, let's shit can "Dancing with the Stars". The Pix admits he watched season 1 five years ago because the girl dancers were smoking and I thought someone would wipe out, but it really is beyond pathetic now. I think some of the Z listers now on the show are Cora Beth Godsey and the guy who played Joe Isuzu, "Mr. Easy". The Pix doesn't want to see any more botoxed geezers with more work than an "Avatar" character do the fox trot while flashing their dentures at Kari Ann Inaba.
Baltimore 17, Bears 2. Hasn't it been fun this year watching Jake Cutler piss himself? Cutler redefines the parameters of smugness. Watching him throw game losing interceptions gives the Pix almost as much pleasure as watching you know who. Which brings us too.....
Carolina 2, Vikings 0. Breet throws 9 picks and retires/comes back at halftime. Breet says that when he thinks of "Wrangler", he thinks of value. When the Pix thinks of "Wrangler", he thinks of Brokeback Breet getting fanny raped by a score of meth crazed Eskimos wearing Peter King masks. Did I just say that out loud?
Tampa Bay 20, Seattle 3. Gotta hand it to the Seahawks defense last week. Holding future hall of famer Matt Shaub to 731 yards and 11 touchdowns was really a noble effort. Maybe if their uniforms weren't the color of my garage floor accented with spilled anti-freeze. Not for nothing, but kudos to the porn industry for wasting no time expoiting the Tiger situation. The same company that brought you "who's nailin' Palin" is set to bring you , "Tiger's Wood". "F" for originality by the Pix thinks they casted well.....except for the fact that Gloria Allred seems to be involved.
Chargers 27, Bengals 21. No jokes about the Bengals this week.
Green Bay 33, Pitt 17. Admit it, even though the Pats are having a bad season, it's mitigated somewhat by watching the Turd Burglar and his fellow turds bite the dust in Steeltown. After coach Tomlin said the team would "unleash hell" four weeks back, they have unleashed a fury of down pillows delivered by the kindergarten class at lower Bell. They have lost to Cleveland, Kansas City, the cast from the "New Zoo Review", Cinci, Nicole Ritchie and Oakland. At home. Woof.
Washington 17, Giants 16. Really breaking the Pix' heart to see the Giants take the pipe, too. And it seems like the hobbit, Daniel Snyder, has a new GM. Snyder goes through staff faster than Imelda Macos goes through red pumps. No? ok....Snyder goes through staff faster than Tiger goes through.......no? Too easy? One last try, Snyder goes through staff faster than Theo Epstien goes through shortsops? Forget it, it's too late and the Pix is on fumes.
It feel like we should wrap this up on a Tiger note. The Pix admits that Tiger has been naughty. His balls are, as they say, in the hazard. And all signs are that he is going to have to re tee. Something tells the Pix that he will survive, however. And Elin will probably find some way to attract another mate given that she will be worth 500 million and still be the hottest Swedish dish on the menu. And in the end, the Pix just wants el Tigre back on the links. Winning majors. Taking out the Golden Bear.......who by the way is a stiff. Tiger is the greatest athlete of this generation. From the standpoint of pure competition, he transcends Ali, Jordan, Russell, all the Mannings combined, Jeter, Gretsky....even Mickelson (please). Golf needs him. TV needs him. He belongs to the fans. And if the official wife is willing to forgive, even endorse him, then who are we humble sports fans to judge? So here's to you Tiger, as the Southwest Airlines commercial suggests, "grab your bag" and get back on the course.
Next week.....the official wife opines on Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, David Beckham, David Letterman and Silvio Berlusconi....
Pix out, enjoy the weekend.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Marblehead Football
Apologies to International Pix readers who come to this space for Patriots rants and other global issues....for those of you not from Marblehead, come back next week. For those of you who have been part of one of the great local seasons in some time for Marblehead, here's a little post in honor of the local gridiron gang....
Full disclosure......the Juniors on this squad had the misfortune of having been coached by the Pix when they were 7th graders. Fortunately for them, they have been coached up far better since then. If the balance of this post focuses a little more on that class and on a certain official nephew (#20) of the Pix.......it's just because those are the kids I know personally.
Let's start with the Seniors....whose team this really is. Quarterback Hayes Richardson is the star of the show. As the leader of the spread offense, Richardson has piled up points on Header opponents this year like Tiger has piled up "transgressions". Hayes can sling it, but he can also tuck it and run as well as any ball carrier on the team. Very few people in life have the opportunity to lead their team eighty something yards with two minutes left on the clock against their blood rivals with the entire season on the line. As this post may be read by a younger audience than usual, let's be delicate with the vocabulary describing what some men refer to as a part of the anatomy that is associated with "guts". Let's just say the number two is involved, say Hayes has them and leave it at that.
Two of Richardson's favorite Senior targets are Flynn McCormack and Alex Haigis. Haigis had a monster game against the blue. Fans will remember #9's touchdowns, but the catch the Pix will never forget is the jump ball Haigis somehow came down with at the 50 yard line on the last drive of the game. Alex had two defenders draped on him and the ball looked like it might even sail out of bounds. Simply put, if Haigis doesn't make that grab, the season was over.
The two young men opponents least want to see arrive in their area code are #52 Matt Evans and #38 Evan Comeau. They are beasts. They are animals. You can usually identify either of them not by their numbers, but by the way they move. They just don't look like they are incumberred by pads....until the moment of impact. At that point there is a distinct sound from the field, like there's a hidden microphone in their shoulder pads. These kids will wreck you. At one point against the "little blue", Comeau was hit out of bounds after a carry, flipped in the air, bounced off his head and landed on his heels getting up in one fluid motion. The Pix thought he might need a breather. Instead, Comeau let out a primal scream to the sideline that brought to mind a scene from "Braveheart". But there was also a gigantic smile on this kid's face. Years from now when Comeau remembers his favorite moment of this season and perhaps of his young life, the Pix would be surprised if that precise moment doesn't come to mind.
The Pix isn't sure what class Marcell Hardmon is, but #26 has emerged as the primary ball carrier for team and has been the perfect complement to Richardson's arial arsenal. Watching Marcell run, it took the Pix a few games to figure out why he was so successful. Here it is: he gets faster after the first would be tackler hits him. Just like Ali got better after taking his first punch, Hardmon accelerates through contact. And like a lot of good running backs with a low center of gravity, he's hard to find....until you see the back of his jersey running to the end zone.
Some Juniors.....let's first talk about "the Freak". #70, Nick Broughton. Parents aren't supposed to have favorite children, but coaches can have favorite players. Among several others about to be mentioned, Nick was one of the Pix' top kids. It has taken a while for his temper to catch up with his size and ability, but the Swampscott quarterback's last memory of the Thanksgiving game was having the Freak land on him. As the Pix stood next to Mrs. Broughton after the final play, it can neither be confirmed nor denied that the air got a little dusty for a moment or two.
Swampscott coach Dembowski has to hope the Perlows don't have any sons younger than Matt. After brother Sam ruined the little blue's thanksgiving a few years back by taking a pick six to the house to win the game, his younger brother carried on the family tradition of hazing Swampscott by opening the game with a nice reception over the middle. The real moment came, however, when the blue were once again advancing the ball against a completely gassed Marblehead defense. The Magician's "D" hadn't been able to stop anything much in the second half. Matt was hastily inserted into the line when a fallen Marbleheader had to be carried off the field due to dehydration and exhaustion. Perlow blew past his man right at the snap and took down the Swampscott QB.....and all the air came out of the blue baloon. Their fans stopped cheering after that play. It might have been the defensive play of the season.
When #15 Ryan Stanojev came out of the womb, the Pix thinks he must have stiff armed the doctor and scampered off down the hall. The Pix still remembers a third and 15 in our own territory years ago when "stiff arm" Stano got the call and fended off 3 different defenders for the first down. Fast forward four years and you can still see the left handed ball carrier expertly use his right hand to elude tacklers. Used primarily on defense this year, Stano is a ball hawk and an all around athlete. Loo k out for #15 to get a turnover tomorrow.
#42 Josh Freedland is another kid the Pix has been watching all year. The same week Josh blocked a kick and returned it for a touchdown, the "Reporter" listed "the Professor" on the high honor roll. The Pix isn't sure, but he thinks it was Freedland who lowered his shoulder and denied Swampscott on 4th and inches giving back the ball to the offense with a little over 2 minutes left in the game. #42 is deceptively fast and strong. The Pix would be shocked if Josh wasn't a co-captain next year.
There are many players the Pix would like time to write more about (super lineman Liam Gilliand comes to mind). With time for just one more, the Pix has to give it up for the official nephew, #20, Will Quigley. Quigley's interception on the second play of the Swampscott game set the tone for the day. His touchdown reception over the middle was seen in high definition by all the "midget" players who were crowding the end zone fence along with their fathers. The Pix looks forward to two more seasons of following #20. Will's biggest fan, the General, will be watching tomorrow's game from the ultimate seat in the sky box.
Like all youth sports that culminate at the high scool level, there will be an emotinal investment being made from the stands that is hard to put into words. For whatever reason, football is the greatest of all the sports in this way. The Pix thinks it is because football is the sport that requires the kids to make the greatest physical and emotional investments. You can see it in the players' eyes at the end of games. There is nothing left to give. As the Seniors take off their uniforms tomorrow, for most of them, it will be for the last time. If the Pix could be in the locker room, he would tell them that in life, what matters most is not the destination, but the journey. The journey. These young men have been on and have taken their fans and family on a journey that few ever get to go on. We thank you for the ride.
Last week the Boston Globe wrote that Rockland merely had to "find the Manning Bowl" for them to get to the next round. They found the Mannning bowl. They found coach Rudloff. They found Evans, Perlow, Hardmon, Demarco Dooley and the Freak. They found Comeau, Gilliand, Forman and Freedland. They found Quigs and Stano. They found Hayes Richardson and they found a beat down compliments of the 5000 or so screaming Marbleheaders who will now make their way to Foxboro. For their efforts, the Marblehead High School football team will set foot on the same turf as some of the greatest players in the history of the game.
The Pix would simply like to salute the team, the coaching staff and everyone involved with the program. Good luck, boys. You have made your parents proud. You have made your town proud. Hopefully you have made yourselves proud. Go get them.
Full disclosure......the Juniors on this squad had the misfortune of having been coached by the Pix when they were 7th graders. Fortunately for them, they have been coached up far better since then. If the balance of this post focuses a little more on that class and on a certain official nephew (#20) of the Pix.......it's just because those are the kids I know personally.
Let's start with the Seniors....whose team this really is. Quarterback Hayes Richardson is the star of the show. As the leader of the spread offense, Richardson has piled up points on Header opponents this year like Tiger has piled up "transgressions". Hayes can sling it, but he can also tuck it and run as well as any ball carrier on the team. Very few people in life have the opportunity to lead their team eighty something yards with two minutes left on the clock against their blood rivals with the entire season on the line. As this post may be read by a younger audience than usual, let's be delicate with the vocabulary describing what some men refer to as a part of the anatomy that is associated with "guts". Let's just say the number two is involved, say Hayes has them and leave it at that.
Two of Richardson's favorite Senior targets are Flynn McCormack and Alex Haigis. Haigis had a monster game against the blue. Fans will remember #9's touchdowns, but the catch the Pix will never forget is the jump ball Haigis somehow came down with at the 50 yard line on the last drive of the game. Alex had two defenders draped on him and the ball looked like it might even sail out of bounds. Simply put, if Haigis doesn't make that grab, the season was over.
The two young men opponents least want to see arrive in their area code are #52 Matt Evans and #38 Evan Comeau. They are beasts. They are animals. You can usually identify either of them not by their numbers, but by the way they move. They just don't look like they are incumberred by pads....until the moment of impact. At that point there is a distinct sound from the field, like there's a hidden microphone in their shoulder pads. These kids will wreck you. At one point against the "little blue", Comeau was hit out of bounds after a carry, flipped in the air, bounced off his head and landed on his heels getting up in one fluid motion. The Pix thought he might need a breather. Instead, Comeau let out a primal scream to the sideline that brought to mind a scene from "Braveheart". But there was also a gigantic smile on this kid's face. Years from now when Comeau remembers his favorite moment of this season and perhaps of his young life, the Pix would be surprised if that precise moment doesn't come to mind.
The Pix isn't sure what class Marcell Hardmon is, but #26 has emerged as the primary ball carrier for team and has been the perfect complement to Richardson's arial arsenal. Watching Marcell run, it took the Pix a few games to figure out why he was so successful. Here it is: he gets faster after the first would be tackler hits him. Just like Ali got better after taking his first punch, Hardmon accelerates through contact. And like a lot of good running backs with a low center of gravity, he's hard to find....until you see the back of his jersey running to the end zone.
Some Juniors.....let's first talk about "the Freak". #70, Nick Broughton. Parents aren't supposed to have favorite children, but coaches can have favorite players. Among several others about to be mentioned, Nick was one of the Pix' top kids. It has taken a while for his temper to catch up with his size and ability, but the Swampscott quarterback's last memory of the Thanksgiving game was having the Freak land on him. As the Pix stood next to Mrs. Broughton after the final play, it can neither be confirmed nor denied that the air got a little dusty for a moment or two.
Swampscott coach Dembowski has to hope the Perlows don't have any sons younger than Matt. After brother Sam ruined the little blue's thanksgiving a few years back by taking a pick six to the house to win the game, his younger brother carried on the family tradition of hazing Swampscott by opening the game with a nice reception over the middle. The real moment came, however, when the blue were once again advancing the ball against a completely gassed Marblehead defense. The Magician's "D" hadn't been able to stop anything much in the second half. Matt was hastily inserted into the line when a fallen Marbleheader had to be carried off the field due to dehydration and exhaustion. Perlow blew past his man right at the snap and took down the Swampscott QB.....and all the air came out of the blue baloon. Their fans stopped cheering after that play. It might have been the defensive play of the season.
When #15 Ryan Stanojev came out of the womb, the Pix thinks he must have stiff armed the doctor and scampered off down the hall. The Pix still remembers a third and 15 in our own territory years ago when "stiff arm" Stano got the call and fended off 3 different defenders for the first down. Fast forward four years and you can still see the left handed ball carrier expertly use his right hand to elude tacklers. Used primarily on defense this year, Stano is a ball hawk and an all around athlete. Loo k out for #15 to get a turnover tomorrow.
#42 Josh Freedland is another kid the Pix has been watching all year. The same week Josh blocked a kick and returned it for a touchdown, the "Reporter" listed "the Professor" on the high honor roll. The Pix isn't sure, but he thinks it was Freedland who lowered his shoulder and denied Swampscott on 4th and inches giving back the ball to the offense with a little over 2 minutes left in the game. #42 is deceptively fast and strong. The Pix would be shocked if Josh wasn't a co-captain next year.
There are many players the Pix would like time to write more about (super lineman Liam Gilliand comes to mind). With time for just one more, the Pix has to give it up for the official nephew, #20, Will Quigley. Quigley's interception on the second play of the Swampscott game set the tone for the day. His touchdown reception over the middle was seen in high definition by all the "midget" players who were crowding the end zone fence along with their fathers. The Pix looks forward to two more seasons of following #20. Will's biggest fan, the General, will be watching tomorrow's game from the ultimate seat in the sky box.
Like all youth sports that culminate at the high scool level, there will be an emotinal investment being made from the stands that is hard to put into words. For whatever reason, football is the greatest of all the sports in this way. The Pix thinks it is because football is the sport that requires the kids to make the greatest physical and emotional investments. You can see it in the players' eyes at the end of games. There is nothing left to give. As the Seniors take off their uniforms tomorrow, for most of them, it will be for the last time. If the Pix could be in the locker room, he would tell them that in life, what matters most is not the destination, but the journey. The journey. These young men have been on and have taken their fans and family on a journey that few ever get to go on. We thank you for the ride.
Last week the Boston Globe wrote that Rockland merely had to "find the Manning Bowl" for them to get to the next round. They found the Mannning bowl. They found coach Rudloff. They found Evans, Perlow, Hardmon, Demarco Dooley and the Freak. They found Comeau, Gilliand, Forman and Freedland. They found Quigs and Stano. They found Hayes Richardson and they found a beat down compliments of the 5000 or so screaming Marbleheaders who will now make their way to Foxboro. For their efforts, the Marblehead High School football team will set foot on the same turf as some of the greatest players in the history of the game.
The Pix would simply like to salute the team, the coaching staff and everyone involved with the program. Good luck, boys. You have made your parents proud. You have made your town proud. Hopefully you have made yourselves proud. Go get them.
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