Once in a while the internets collide with the real world in a way that should be instructive for all who follow the ebb and flow of perception and reality. This was, if you ask the Pix, one of those weeks. While Romney and Obama droned on Tuesday night about taxes, Libya, unemployment, the deficit, immigration etc.....both candidates ignored a story that encompassed all of the above (with the possible exception of Libya).
The Pix refers, of course, to the injustice served in Kennebunkport ME where Zumba specialist and job creator Alexis Wright was arrested by the jackboot thugs of the local constabulary. By the way, according to the official Zumba website, Zumba is "an exhilarating, effective, easy to follow, Latin inspired, calorie burning dance-fitness party". Ay Carumba. Ms. Wright, a local entrepreneur and fitness enthusiast, was arrested and charged with (amongst other things) tomfoolery and ballyhoo. The Pix doesn't have time to right every wrong in the world, but when it comes to the fusion of latin inspired dance and men's health issues.....the Pix won't take it lying down. Or sitting in his car in a parking lot. Or on a massage table. Wait, what?
Anyhoo, it seems to the Pix that young Alexis is just the kind of constituent whom Mitts and Hussein purport to champion. A young woman trying to break through the ass (I mean glass) ceiling? Yes. A small business owner? Indeed. An immigrant who worked hard to gain citizenship the right way? Um, not sure, but she has a good tan. It seems to the Pix that as an amateur film maker AND tax paying member of the middle class, Lexi is a solar panel on her roof away from a million dollar subsidy from Yobama's green and pink jobs initiative.
The Pix is just confused by the governments's hypocrisy. Not since the unlawful incarceration of Pussy Riot, Flavor Flav, or Ghandi have the scales of justice been so off balance.
The Pix:
Texans -6 over Ravens. Speaking of Latin inspired dance, it's so sad to see double murder accomplice and dancing bear Ray Lewis out for the season. The Pix will miss trying to interpret Ray's pre-game rants. I usually average one word out of 5 if you count the dog barking.
Pack -6 over Rams. Aaron Rodgers is steadily becoming a favorite of the Pix. This week he called out Donkey Shannon Sharpe, who may be even harder to understand than Ray Lewis.
Titans +3 over Bills. True story, this week Uma Thurman and whoever she is married to released the name of their newborn daughter: Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman -Besson. No pretension there....."Better known to her friends and family as Luna. Each name has a special reason and meaning to her mother and father" Have fun filling out the SAT application Luna.....might want to grab an extra #2 pencil. And is "special meaning" to the parents a thing now? In that case, the Pix would like to announce the adoption of his new goldfish....Deliciousness Remote Control Steak BB Gun Brunch HBO Late Night Mimosa Case-Thurman. Just kidding, the Pix hates pets.
Cleveland +2 over Indy. When your most reliable winner vs. the spread is the Browns, you might be having an off season.
Giants-6 over Redskins. This just in.....the Vagiants are scary good. Not so good? A-Fraud and the Stankees. If there is a silver lining in the 2012 Red Sox season, it's watching with child like glee the emasculation that defined the Stankee post season. .188 at the plate. Runs scored in 3 out of 39 innings. A-roid trolling the stands for companionship. The Pix could write 5 posts alone on the schadenfreude champs of 2012. Perhaps a steady regime of Zumba would help them?
Patriots -10 over Jets. Just wondering......if you own 6 pairs of jeans but can only fit into 2, and you never even bother removing the assigned belt from either pair at night......time for some exercise? Anyone? Let's just move on....about the Patriots, there's something strangely fun about the Pat's 3-3 start. It's as if the Guru himself orchestrated this record. Losing 3 games by a combined 4 points, a rejuvenated ground attack, Stinkovich playing like he has a pulse.......all encouraging signs. And if you were to ask the average Pats fan.....they'll probably tell you we are all a little tired of winning Power Rankings in weeks 10-16 but no championships. And the Jets could not be arriving at a better time. No idea what Rex has been doing with his wife's feet, but he has been chewing on his own all week in the media. Pix Special.....Pats 41, Jets 12.
See you in Zumba class.
Pix out.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Week whatever it is...
The Pix has been on the road quite a bit lately which means that several meals have been consumed in restaurant type places. As true Pix readers know, the Pix can be.........hard to please. Deliciousness must be delivered in a timely fashion, waitress attire should be appropriate, plates must be warmed or cooled depending on the corresponding victual....just the standard stuff. And by and large the Pix is pleased to report that the majority of eateries are passing the test. However, one thing that continues to elude the hospitality industry in a way that makes the Pix want to take several nubile vietnamese hostages (my business) is a problem that speaks directly to what is wrong in the world. A problem so seemingly simple yet elusive that the Pix likens it to lack of a succesfull hair restoration technique and/or why birds hate punctuality. The Pix refers, of course, to table stability. The Pix is not a physicist, but for life of me I can't figure out why 90% of restaurant and bar 4 tops in this country wobble worse than Bob Lobel after a night out at Daisy Buchanon's. It's 2012 for the love of god, the Pix shouldn't have to need two splendas and a matchbook to perform table surgery every time I want a burger and a Blue Moon. One of the favorite tv shows of the Pix is "How it's Made". Every factory in America seems to have robots that can make things like microchips and calibrate measurements down to atomic levels, but we can't get four wooden legs to be the same size? And don't get the Pix started on the single post table with four horizontal protrusions that are less even than Steve Buschemi's eyeballs. Like it's not hard enough to take your kids to a bar and try to watch the game when their table is like a game of "Wipe Out". Last week the Pix was trying to cut the crust off my daughter's grilled cheese and it felt like I was Leonardo DiCaprio trying to guide that big boned bird across the deck of the Titanic. Please get it together hospitality industry....
The Pix:
Rams +3.5 over Miami. Yes, the Pix watched the VP debate last night. If there's a reason this is the most boring Pix post of the year (and it will be), you can blame the debate. Thank god there's only one of those things.
Ravens -3.5 over Dallas. It was disconcerting, however, to watch Joe Biden cackling like a hyena while Paul Ryan was discussing Libya and Iran. Not exactly material one associates with the "Giggle Hut" out on rt. 1.
Browns +1 over Bengals. Even stranger to the Pix is that the internets seem to agree that moderator Martha Raddatz was "brilliant". Really? Is this how low the bar has been set by Jim Lehrer? Moderating a debate is, on a degree of difficulty scale, somewhere in between brushing one's teeth and walking while talking. You ask questions on 1-4 topics and tell each person when it is his or her turn to talk. Oh, and you watch something called a "clock". That's it. Let's all put our pants back on, shall we?
Colts +3 over Jets. Each week the Pix gets to the Jets and expects the perfect thing to write just to pop into my head. But it's just not working. It's like eating 4 plates of chicken wings and consuming a 12 pack of weasel piss (bush lite) and waiting for a magical digestive experience and.............nope. Nothing happens. If it's any consolation, A Fraud is hitting .125 and is getting pinch hit for at the end of games in the MLB playoffs. If the Yankees lose tonight, the Pix promises the mother of all New York Shitty posts next week.
TB -4 over Chiefs. Wait, let's go back to that last piece.....the Yankees are paying A-Roid over 30 million a season and are taking the bat out of his hands with the game on the line like he's Jose Iglesias. No? Nothing? Moving on then.
Pats -3.5 over Seattle. Ok, some may of noticed that the Pix is 1-4 picking Patriots games this year. For those not in the know, it's called the reverse jinx. But this Seattle team is more over rated than Gluten free weekend at Guido's in Great Barrington (oct 26-28). Pete Carrol is not taking down the Guru. Not happening.
Ok, Pix is tired and uninspired. See you all next week.
The Pix:
Rams +3.5 over Miami. Yes, the Pix watched the VP debate last night. If there's a reason this is the most boring Pix post of the year (and it will be), you can blame the debate. Thank god there's only one of those things.
Ravens -3.5 over Dallas. It was disconcerting, however, to watch Joe Biden cackling like a hyena while Paul Ryan was discussing Libya and Iran. Not exactly material one associates with the "Giggle Hut" out on rt. 1.
Browns +1 over Bengals. Even stranger to the Pix is that the internets seem to agree that moderator Martha Raddatz was "brilliant". Really? Is this how low the bar has been set by Jim Lehrer? Moderating a debate is, on a degree of difficulty scale, somewhere in between brushing one's teeth and walking while talking. You ask questions on 1-4 topics and tell each person when it is his or her turn to talk. Oh, and you watch something called a "clock". That's it. Let's all put our pants back on, shall we?
Colts +3 over Jets. Each week the Pix gets to the Jets and expects the perfect thing to write just to pop into my head. But it's just not working. It's like eating 4 plates of chicken wings and consuming a 12 pack of weasel piss (bush lite) and waiting for a magical digestive experience and.............nope. Nothing happens. If it's any consolation, A Fraud is hitting .125 and is getting pinch hit for at the end of games in the MLB playoffs. If the Yankees lose tonight, the Pix promises the mother of all New York Shitty posts next week.
TB -4 over Chiefs. Wait, let's go back to that last piece.....the Yankees are paying A-Roid over 30 million a season and are taking the bat out of his hands with the game on the line like he's Jose Iglesias. No? Nothing? Moving on then.
Pats -3.5 over Seattle. Ok, some may of noticed that the Pix is 1-4 picking Patriots games this year. For those not in the know, it's called the reverse jinx. But this Seattle team is more over rated than Gluten free weekend at Guido's in Great Barrington (oct 26-28). Pete Carrol is not taking down the Guru. Not happening.
Ok, Pix is tired and uninspired. See you all next week.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Polidicks and Stinkovich
The Pix is off for a 4 day weekend tomorrow so an early and abbreviated post will have to suffice. Let's start with last night's presidential debate, because if there's one thing the Pix likes as much as the NFL, it's the reality tv show called the Presidential Election. Before last nights debate, the gambling web site Intrade had Obama at over 70%. Something like last weekend's Pats-Bills game at the 2 minute mark in the 4th quarter. In addition, it appeared that Bobby Valentine had been running Romney's campaign and that we could be heading to a Reagan/Carter like landslide in November. That changed last night in a big way. Some quick take aways from the Pix:
1. When did Jim Lehrer die? Zombie Jim Lehrer looked like he'd been attacked by Joan Rivers' plastic surgeon while simultaneously being anally probed. In other words, massively and inexplicably permanently surprised. Did anyone tell Jim he'd be moderating the debate before hand? Was he filling in at the last moment? Is it possible that he has aged 40 years since 2008? Does he still have his own show on PBS? Just WOW.
2. The Pix watched the debate on CNN, which had a split screen and a running timer showing how long each candidate got to ramble on for. As the night progressed, this had the very strange effect of making Romney look like the underdog because Brobama was getting more time. Talk about unintended consequences.....making the uber rich white guy appear like he was getting robbed on national television (on time) by a black dude can NOT have been what the Obama campaign was looking for.
3. When Romney blasted the President on subsidies for green energy vs. oil (90 billion vs. 2.8 billion dollars) the Pix felt as if he was watching Ian Poulter drain the putt on 18 Saturday afternoon. Like, "Uh, oh....this could get interesting in a hurry". Every moment after that was like watching the Euros come out Sunday morning and just relentlessly pound the Americans. Obama better put away his Steve Stricker costume. It's not halloween yet, Barry.
4. More Ryder cup analogies...up next is the Vice-Presidential debate.....which is looking like Poulter/Mcilroy vs. Stricker/fatPhilgagon17cheerforEuroMickelson. Because by smoking the President in debate #1, the Republicans have put the pressure squarely on , gulp, Joe Biden. The Pix can't decide if he's more nervous for Biden than he was for Ollie shooting that free throw at the end of "Hoosiers".
Memo to Joe, the junior high school square dance you participated in 4 years ago with klondike barbie will in no way resemble the knife fight Paul Ryan is bringing to you. Ryan's first line isn't going to be, "Can I call you Joe?" It's going to be more like, "I'm here to eat your fucking family". Just sayin'.
Wait, what? Football?
Cardinals -1 over Rams
Giants -8 over Browns
GB -7 over Colts
Eagles +3 over Turdburglar
Chiefs +7 over Ravens
Bengals -3 over Dolphins
Bears - whatever over Slaguars
Panthers -3 over Seattle
Buffalo +10 over SF
Vikings -5 over Titans
Saints +3 over Chargers
Donkeys +7 over Pats
Texans -8 over Jets
Football musings:
Funny line from the official wife while watching Pats/Bills after seeing Bianca Wilfork jumping in stands, "I be they have a California King".....
Make sure you catch Inside the NFL on Showtime this week. Rex Ryan is miked up for the game vs. the 49ers. If I'm the GM of the Jets, I think I want my head coach to, um, actually do some coaching on the sidelines rather than just stomp up and down swearing and whining. He sounds worse than the Pix watching 5-6 flag football.
Jimmy Hoffa.......still dead.
Let's just back up a moment to the Donkeys/Pats prediction. The Pix has said it before, but it merits repeating almost every week. #50 on the Patriots, Rob Stinkovich, must be related to the Kraft family. Stinkovich runs like he has a dump in his pants and takes the same angle to the passer on EVERY play. First he runs out of bounds, then around the goal posts, and then back to the qb. Memo to Stinky, the passer usually gets rid of the ball before most self respecting southerners boil grits.
****Debate update**** the Pix has just learned that John Kerry was Obama's debate coach and even played the role of Romney during prep. Well then, the Pix would like to apologize to the President. No joke here, just recognizing that if John Kerry is your debate coach, Rex Ryan is your head coach, Steve Stricker is putting for the half, or Rob Stinkovich is your DE/LB....you get what you deserve.
Enjoy the long weekend everyone....
Pix out.
1. When did Jim Lehrer die? Zombie Jim Lehrer looked like he'd been attacked by Joan Rivers' plastic surgeon while simultaneously being anally probed. In other words, massively and inexplicably permanently surprised. Did anyone tell Jim he'd be moderating the debate before hand? Was he filling in at the last moment? Is it possible that he has aged 40 years since 2008? Does he still have his own show on PBS? Just WOW.
2. The Pix watched the debate on CNN, which had a split screen and a running timer showing how long each candidate got to ramble on for. As the night progressed, this had the very strange effect of making Romney look like the underdog because Brobama was getting more time. Talk about unintended consequences.....making the uber rich white guy appear like he was getting robbed on national television (on time) by a black dude can NOT have been what the Obama campaign was looking for.
3. When Romney blasted the President on subsidies for green energy vs. oil (90 billion vs. 2.8 billion dollars) the Pix felt as if he was watching Ian Poulter drain the putt on 18 Saturday afternoon. Like, "Uh, oh....this could get interesting in a hurry". Every moment after that was like watching the Euros come out Sunday morning and just relentlessly pound the Americans. Obama better put away his Steve Stricker costume. It's not halloween yet, Barry.
4. More Ryder cup analogies...up next is the Vice-Presidential debate.....which is looking like Poulter/Mcilroy vs. Stricker/fatPhilgagon17cheerforEuroMickelson. Because by smoking the President in debate #1, the Republicans have put the pressure squarely on , gulp, Joe Biden. The Pix can't decide if he's more nervous for Biden than he was for Ollie shooting that free throw at the end of "Hoosiers".
Memo to Joe, the junior high school square dance you participated in 4 years ago with klondike barbie will in no way resemble the knife fight Paul Ryan is bringing to you. Ryan's first line isn't going to be, "Can I call you Joe?" It's going to be more like, "I'm here to eat your fucking family". Just sayin'.
Wait, what? Football?
Cardinals -1 over Rams
Giants -8 over Browns
GB -7 over Colts
Eagles +3 over Turdburglar
Chiefs +7 over Ravens
Bengals -3 over Dolphins
Bears - whatever over Slaguars
Panthers -3 over Seattle
Buffalo +10 over SF
Vikings -5 over Titans
Saints +3 over Chargers
Donkeys +7 over Pats
Texans -8 over Jets
Football musings:
Funny line from the official wife while watching Pats/Bills after seeing Bianca Wilfork jumping in stands, "I be they have a California King".....
Make sure you catch Inside the NFL on Showtime this week. Rex Ryan is miked up for the game vs. the 49ers. If I'm the GM of the Jets, I think I want my head coach to, um, actually do some coaching on the sidelines rather than just stomp up and down swearing and whining. He sounds worse than the Pix watching 5-6 flag football.
Jimmy Hoffa.......still dead.
Let's just back up a moment to the Donkeys/Pats prediction. The Pix has said it before, but it merits repeating almost every week. #50 on the Patriots, Rob Stinkovich, must be related to the Kraft family. Stinkovich runs like he has a dump in his pants and takes the same angle to the passer on EVERY play. First he runs out of bounds, then around the goal posts, and then back to the qb. Memo to Stinky, the passer usually gets rid of the ball before most self respecting southerners boil grits.
****Debate update**** the Pix has just learned that John Kerry was Obama's debate coach and even played the role of Romney during prep. Well then, the Pix would like to apologize to the President. No joke here, just recognizing that if John Kerry is your debate coach, Rex Ryan is your head coach, Steve Stricker is putting for the half, or Rob Stinkovich is your DE/LB....you get what you deserve.
Enjoy the long weekend everyone....
Pix out.
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