Week 1

Ok, so, um, how about the rest of the preseason prognostications? Not so much? Wicked sorry. The Pix has been suffering worse technological difficulties than the Angolan space program. In addition to trying to improve the blog with things like images (see Wiggle Cats below), the Pix has been struggling with things not even worth explaining because your average 1st grader could probably fix them. So let's skip the excuses and get to some football. But before football, the Pix feels compelled to address on of the most important current topics on the American scene today. Sarah Palin? No, but we'll get to her. The November elections? The ground zero mosque? Le decision? No, nyet, nein. The Pix of course is referring to the egregious yet relentless persecution of Willie Nelson by the constabulary. Once again, this past summer, Willie and his entourage were pulled over in their magic tour bus and cited for possession of a certain class D substance and some other tomfoolery. Seriously police, you found weed on Willie's bus? What else did you find, a steering wheel? Here's the complete list of things that you will find on Willie's bus. Willie Nelson himself and Willie Nelson's weed. That's it, that's the list. Willie does not exactly hide the fact that he may or may not be "carrying". He once made a video with Snoop Dogg called "My Medicine". It wasn't about Tylenol. Tobey Keith once went on the Steven Colbert show and discussed at length how Willie hydroponically grows his personal herb in Tequilla. Willie hides his passion for pot about as much as Paula Dean hides hers for butter. By the way, it says here that Paula codes before 'ol Willie does. Given the fact that possession of said herb is now simply a glorified speeding ticket, any time the Popo pulls over Willie's bus it's kind of like having their own ATM machine. In fact, to help local municipalities climb out of their fiscal holes, authorities simply need to follow Willie's tour bus around while the twanging fossil blazes it up between stops at Hardee's, Chick O' Filet and Shoneys. The Pix is simply making the point that law enforcement in some southern states may want to spend a little more time on real crimes and a little less on octogenarian inhalation. Or the Pix could have saved himself 500 words and simply written: Free Willie.

The Pix and Random randomness:

Panthers +7 at Giants: Weak and boring.

Packers -3 at Eagles: Homer alert! The Pix' official nephew is featured in a local sports poll this week. The poll is titled "weekend warrior" and asks readers to predict which local high school football player will have the biggest weekend. Pix readers need to get thyselves to www.salemnews.com/sports and vote for Will Quigley. Thanking you, and best of luck to the Magicians for the upcoming season. Stay tuned for more coverage of MHS football in this space throughout the year.

Jax -2 over Donkeys: Put it this way, if you are an underdog to the Jaguars.........you are an underdog to the Jaguars.

Browns +3 at Bucs: And if you are an underdog to the Bucs.......you might be coached by the Mangina.

Niners -3 at Gray Man Group: Until the Seahawks abandon their ridiculous gray/blue/gray uniforms with accents of electric green highlighter, the PIx just can't take them seriously. Let's see how big Mike Singletary's wooden cross is this week. Pix says roughly the size of a lb of Willie Nelson's weed.

Cards -4 at Rams: NFC west is about as exciting as watching the Red Sox crawl their injured asses to the season's finish line.

Ravens +3 at Jets. Rex Ryan is really making it easy for us, isn't he? When Hall of Stain member and biggest braying jackass in the league, Ray Lewis, calls you out for being a braying jackass, you have achieved something. The Pix is looking forward to watching the Jets go 7-9 this year.

Chargers -5 over Chiefs. Pix doesn't feel good about this pick. Chiefs could be feisty this year.

Colts -2 at Texans: Recently the Pix made a chicken curry dish that called for adding a bag of frozen peas to it. Really? Add peas to the dish? Why don't I just eat a pound of asparagus and urinate into the pot instead? It's hight time the Pix addressed the plague that is the pea. This vile orb has been haunting the Pix since childhood. Consider the Pea the first addition to Jihad 2010.

Titans -6 over Raiders: How much does the Pix despise the Pea? After a certain surgical procedure that made it highly unlikely that the Pix
willl ever reproduce again, the doctor advised the Pix to "put a bag of frozen peas on it". The Pix went with corn.

Lions +6 at Bears: Boog D is not going to like this, but the Bears are a train wreck. Do not be surprised if the motor city kitties win this game outright.

Cowboys -3 over Redskins: There was an incident at an amusement park this summer in Virginia at King's Dominion amusement park where an employee was accused of inappropriately touching a minor. The employee's name? Dong Wang. Look, it's well known that when certain ethnic groups passed through Ellis island earlier this century that authorities would often tweak a foreign name to assist said immigrants to assimilate themselves more seamlessly into American society. The Pix has no idea where Dong Wang entered the US, but, um.....I think he could have used a little assistance in this regard. Just saying'.

Bengals +5 over Pats: Look, it has to be done. The Pix has been fooling himself for far too long that the GURU has been operating at full capacity. His last few drafts have been as successful Bristol and Levi's most recent reunion. The Bengals are loaded on defense, and have two hall of fame caliber wide outs challenging the youngest and shortest secondary in the NFL. Copious amounts of deliciousness will be needed to get through this season, and the Pix is ready. And waking up to the headline yesterday, "Brady in car wreck" felt a lot like the feeling the Pix had last Thanksgiving with Tiger's crash/escape/ambien fueled mishap. Just not a lot of good vibes. On the other hand, the Pix hears that Willie Nelson is playing Foxboro this fall.

Congratulations to all for making it through another painful off season. Summer may be over, but September means Pix, Pats, Pumpkin ale and a 50' Plasma. Delicious and delightful. Enjoy your weekends.

Pix out.