Week whatever it is...

The Pix has been on the road quite a bit lately which means that several meals have been consumed in restaurant type places. As true Pix readers know, the Pix can be.........hard to please. Deliciousness must be delivered in a timely fashion, waitress attire should be appropriate, plates must be warmed or cooled depending on the corresponding victual....just the standard stuff. And by and large the Pix is pleased to report that the majority of eateries are passing the test. However, one thing that continues to elude the hospitality industry in a way that makes the Pix want to take several nubile vietnamese hostages (my business) is a problem that speaks directly to what is wrong in the world. A problem so seemingly simple yet elusive that the Pix likens it to lack of a succesfull hair restoration technique and/or why birds hate punctuality. The Pix refers, of course, to table stability. The Pix is not a physicist, but for life of me I can't figure out why 90% of restaurant and bar 4 tops in this country wobble worse than Bob Lobel after a night out at Daisy Buchanon's. It's 2012 for the love of god, the Pix shouldn't have to need two splendas and a matchbook to perform table surgery every time I want a burger and a Blue Moon. One of the favorite tv shows of the Pix is "How it's Made". Every factory in America seems to have robots that can make things like microchips and calibrate measurements down to atomic levels, but we can't get four wooden legs to be the same size? And don't get the Pix started on the single post table with four horizontal protrusions that are less even than Steve Buschemi's eyeballs. Like it's not hard enough to take your kids to a bar and try to watch the game when their table is like a game of "Wipe Out". Last week the Pix was trying to cut the crust off my daughter's grilled cheese and it felt like I was Leonardo DiCaprio trying to guide that big boned bird across the deck of the Titanic. Please get it together hospitality industry....

The Pix:

Rams +3.5 over Miami. Yes, the Pix watched the VP debate last night. If there's a reason this is the most boring Pix post of the year (and it will be), you can blame the debate. Thank god there's only one of those things.

Ravens -3.5 over Dallas. It was disconcerting, however, to watch Joe Biden cackling like a hyena while Paul Ryan was discussing Libya and Iran. Not exactly material one associates with the "Giggle Hut" out on rt. 1.

Browns +1 over Bengals. Even stranger to the Pix is that the internets seem to agree that moderator Martha Raddatz was "brilliant". Really? Is this how low the bar has been set by Jim Lehrer? Moderating a debate is, on a degree of difficulty scale, somewhere in between brushing one's teeth and walking while talking. You ask questions on 1-4 topics and tell each person when it is his or her turn to talk. Oh, and you watch something called a "clock". That's it. Let's all put our pants back on, shall we?

Colts +3 over Jets. Each week the Pix gets to the Jets and expects the perfect thing to write just to pop into my head. But it's just not working. It's like eating 4 plates of chicken wings and consuming a 12 pack of weasel piss (bush lite) and waiting for a magical digestive experience and.............nope. Nothing happens. If it's any consolation, A Fraud is hitting .125 and is getting pinch hit for at the end of games in the MLB playoffs. If the Yankees lose tonight, the Pix promises the mother of all New York Shitty posts next week.

TB -4 over Chiefs. Wait, let's go back to that last piece.....the Yankees are paying A-Roid over 30 million a season and are taking the bat out of his hands with the game on the line like he's Jose Iglesias. No? Nothing? Moving on then.

Pats -3.5 over Seattle. Ok, some may of noticed that the Pix is 1-4 picking Patriots games this year. For those not in the know, it's called the reverse jinx. But this Seattle team is more over rated than Gluten free weekend at Guido's in Great Barrington (oct 26-28). Pete Carrol is not taking down the Guru. Not happening.

Ok, Pix is tired and uninspired. See you all next week.