Championship week is upon us and we can't get to Sunday fast enough. If
for no other reason that the market can't tank again on Saturday. The
Pix has had a worse week than vacationers in Kenya. Multiple cans of
deliciousness will be needed to numb the pounding sans lube that has
been the financial markets for the month of January. Fortunately for
those of us who are Pats fans, at least the weekends offer hope....a
commodity seen less and less these days. Before we get to the football,
some random observations from a world gone a little meshugena .....

Official wife is due April 29 with official child #3 and we can't seem
to agree on names this time. Since we would ultimately like the child
to be athletic, the Pix looked at some names picked from recent articles
about high school recruiting for men's and women's NCAA teams. Some
male samples (real names from top '07 football recruits): Dontavius,
Allante, Dejuan, Cordale, Kemonte, Kavario, Shelvin, Boubacar, Lavunce,
Givon, Jrue and Aldarious. We're leaning towards Winslow. Some female
(2005 top women's hoops recruits): Kym, Keshonda, Sherrell, Davanei,
Rashanda, Nnenna, Marneshia, Dortae, Ketura, Lavesa, Marquitta, Roney,
Impriss and Tainisoutti. Um, I've always liked Jennifer.

The Australian open started this week and it's time the truth comes out
about Justine Henin. Formerly Henin-Hardenne, but pronounced Ena.
She's irritating beyond words. She can't pronounce her own name and I
have long suspected that she is a tranny. If nothing else, the WPTA
needs her to pee in cup. She has the body of Wes Welker and the jaw
line of Howie Long.

Going back to names for a moment, whatever happened to the trend of
inserting the word "ice" in your name somewhere? There was Ice Tea, Ice
Cube and Vanilla Ice and then..........no more "ice". The Pix thinks
this is unfortunate because "Ice Pix" has kind of a nice ring to it.
Just sayin'.

Speaking of Just Sayin', it has been too long since we have reached out
to the Ovarian correspondent for illumination and revelation. Let's put
the OC to work, shall we? Here's the topic.....Rachel Ray. We all know
what she must have been like in college. The girl everybody liked to
party with but no one really dated. Always fun and up and chipper and
not terrible looking but after 5 minutes you just needed to turn the
sound off. An over-laugher and liberal toucher. But then you'd be in a
4-5 week slump and needed to grab some low hanging fruit just to turn
things around. So you get loaded at the midwinter's formal and end up
wondering on Sunday morning how to get Rachel out of the house before
the boys notice and before she can quiz you about how this changes the
dynamics of your friendship. It ends how it ends and the point of this
rant is this.....10 years go by and you see her on TV. And then she
blows up and becomes a national celebrity who's annual income is
multiple hugeness. And you have to ask yourself, did you blow it? You
could have been Mr. Ray. She was way into you. Regrets? So the
question for the OC is this, what's the male corrollary to the Rachel
Ray question? And if that's too serious, just answer this, how does a
short pear shaped weird sounding average chick whose only discernable
skills are making "sammies" and "stoups" in under 30 minutes wind up
with 3 tv shows and a magazine? The Pix.......

Breet -9 over NY. Who cares. Let's just move on. Wait, no Breet
comments you say? Let's just say this, from now through the Super Bowl,
Breetapalooza will be in full flaming force. The only way things could
get worse is if Hillary wins the nomination and announces Breet as her
running mate. He could obvioulsly fix the housing crisis and wipe out
STAPH before breakfast. The NFL has hired 5 extra refs for this game
whose families are being held hostage in remote locations only to be
released if GB wins.

*******GAMBLING ALERT********** Mr. Vegas has just announced he will be
teasing GB and SD for the weekend. For the great unwashed, that means
he gets 6 points from the house and will have GB -3 and SD +20. Just so
you know....



NE -14 over SD. I'm trying to get nervous for this game, but just
can't. SD's head coach is named Norvil. Seriously, Norvil. Randy Moss
could take a baseball bat to a women's shelter and the Guru is not
losing to Norvil. Ladudian is gimpy, Merriman has the flu and Rivers is
as emotionally stable as Brit Brit after a fifth of Grey Goose and a
blown custody hearing. Having said all this, if something unimaginable
happens here, the Pix will be joining the boys from the Heaven's Gate
cult and look for the Hale-Bop comet with my phenobarbital and glad bag
combo.


So in the interest of self preservation and one final Pix column for the
year, Go Pats.