Douchebag

Just when the Pix thought it might be time to fire up the internets for the 09/10 NFL season, along comes a certain someone who the Pix has mentioned once or twice in the past. I refer, of course, to Barney Frank and the national health care debate. Um, no, it's Breet.

The Pix isn't sure what's left to be said that hasn't already been said. Followers of the Pix recall that none of Breet's seven faux retirements was taken seriously in this space. Each separate con job was called out and each unretirement was correctly predicted. Even the slurping, blind, seven times fooled national media saw this one coming. Two weeks ago when Breet anounced he would be staying retired for good, one could sense the cosmic collective yawn that passed over the nation. And yea, verily, there he was yesterday.........that steaming pile of unabashed ego.......smiling and aw shucksing the cameras. What a phony. What a traitor. What a stain.

What bothers the Pix so much about this shyster is that apparently he thinks we don't see through him. And he's really not to blame for that. The media has gotten so carried away with the myth of Breet that it's really no wonder that the all time leader in interceptions, the most resented teamate of all time, the worst statistical quarterback of the last half decade, the biggest liar in sports doesn't posess even a scintilla of self awareness. If he did he would kill himself.

The ancient Greeks had a word used in modern English today that comes to mind when the Pix thinks about the coming season for Breet: Hubris. A rough definition is an overabundance of pride ultimatley resulting fatal retribution. In other words, Breet is finally going to get what's coming to him......some form of debilitating or humiliating finish to what was once a good career but now has become the most tedious and monotonous retirement saga of all time. Be forwarned Stainmaster, your final season will end badly.............stay tuned.

In other news, Rick Pitino finds himself in a bit of a pickle, no? Once again, the media has their collective head up their keister. The media would have the public think Pitino's career and reputation are in jeopardy due to the sordid details of an extortion charge that have been revealed. Allow the Pix to break down said scandal.......six years ago, Pitino banged a skank in a restaurant after closing........then banged her again two weeks later. That's it, that's the story. All else is noise. If anything, Pitino might have more "street cred" than ever. He can tell recruits that if they cruise with the Louisville possee, maybe they can pick up some of Rico's sloppy seconds.

Then there's Lady Gaga. A talent challenged singer whose inexplicable popularity can mainly be attributed to the fact that she acts like a super skank. Lady G recently flashed her kitty at a concert in England and supposedly revealed that she's packing more than just a taco. In her own words, "I have a peen and a pooner, so what?" Listen, the Pix is down with hermaphrodites as much as the next guy, but why the need to go public? The last time the Pix was witness to this kind of shameless self promotion by a dual gendered freak, a football and a purple jersey were prominently involved.

What else happened this summer? Some of you may of heard that Michael Jackson died. Exhibit 624 of how the Pix has gone wrong with his own life. Evidently, the way to fame and sainthood is to dress like a freak, serve kids booze, molest them, pay them off and run off to hide in Dubai. My bad. It's a good thing the public has level headed citizens around like Al Sharpton and Joe Jackson to really get to the true meaning of things. Shame on the Pix for not knowing that the "King of Pop" did more for race relations than that silly old Martin Luther King. The Pix also missed the nugget in Dr. Spock's opus that hanging your kid from a balcony and ensuring that they never find out who their real parents are have become the new gold standard for child rearing (pun intended Michael). The Pix thought Sarah Palin had some kooky names for kids (Bristol, Trig, Trak, Willow, butter knife), but Blanket? Really???? Blanket??? What the hell do you have to be thinking to name your kid Blanket???? Yeesh.

So how about a little football? In the words of Larry David, the Pix thinks the Pats look pretty, pretty, pretty pretty good. The Jets? Not so much. New coach, gasbag Rex Ryan, has been calling out the Guru during the offseason saying that he's not afraid of the Pats. Gasbag, you have a rookie quarterback, Dirty Sanchez, who has a whopping 16 college starts under his belt. See mention of the word hubris above. Maybe the Jets should win a game before a rookie head coach calls out the most successful franchise in modern history.

Coming soon.........predictions for all division winners and a special tribute to social genius Stephon Marbury, update on Roger Clemens and his affair with a 17 year old Mindy Mcready and the most recent tally on how many illegitimate children Antonio Cromartie has (hint, it's a number between 7 and 11).

Welcome to the new season.

Pix out.