Shooting you in the Ass

So, apologies for taking the week off. As most readers of the Pix know, Pats bye equals Pix bye.........so Pix just took it a week early while administering a USA Ryder cup beat down over a couple of Canadian hosers out in the 413. It's ok if you don't get it......fake Johnny Miller does. Let's get to the elephant in the room right away......the guru dealing Randy Moss to Breetdom. Forget, for a moment, that the Patriots will now compete for the rest of the season without their second best offensive player. What makes the trade so hard to swallow is that Breet apparently whined to management that he was going to take his ball and go home if the Vikings didn't buy him a new shiny toy with corn rows. Predictably, the Viqueens relented and gave Breet 10 million more dollars and Randy Moss. God help Viqueen fans. The Pix hasn't seen a deal with the devil this bad since the Charlie Daniel's band assaulted our ear drums in the early eighties.

UH.......Oh..........what's this?.......




Why........it looks like a sordid little love triangle involving One, Breet, Favre.....

Oh yes. The Pix can now reveal that today on Deadspin.com, pictures or the ol' gunslinger's junk and voice messages to Florida St. SLUT Jen Sterger will be unleashed upon a suspecting public (yes, I meant to say it that way). Apparently, the same week Mrs. Breet published her book documenting her struggle with breast cancer, Breet was sexting young Ms. Sterger (then Jets sideline correspondent) with images of Breet trying to make his clown cry. The dude in the middle is just some Jets PR flunkie who arranged the connection. Tiger, President Clinton, Mr. Spitzer..............meet Breet. Delightful, delicious, delovely....Here's how the Pix envisioned Breet's day yesterday:

Teamate: Brettt, we got Moss!

Breet: Awesome!!!!

Teamate: Uhhhhh, Breet, tomorrow there will be audio and visual evidence of you in a state of supreme douchebaggery the same week your cancer surviving wife published her book.

Breet: Hmmmmm. Could be bad.......no, the media will protect me as usual. Let's get some wings.

Get thysleves to Deadspin and revel in the hypocrisy, courtesy of the Pix......


Baltimore -7 over Donkeys
Jax pk over Buff
KC +7 over Indy

In other news..............this happened...........



A Florida man by the name Kenneth Bonds was in an altercation with some youths who were displaying their sartorial stylings by wearing their pants like the above photo. The Pix has mentioned before the sheer idiocy of this style and the fact that it originated in prisons as a way to announce one's willingness to participate in, um, prison "relations". Nevertheless, this style of buffoonery persists. Said youths disrespected Mr. Bonds and he proceeded to SHOOT one in the keister. Well played, Mr. Bonds, well played......

In other internets chicanery, this happened.......


All the Colts got the gay.......can't say the Pix didn't see this one coming.

and this......


Irmgad Holm of Phoenix, AZ had a tough morning this week. It seems Irmbird was reaching for the Visene when she accidentally grabbed the super glue and blinded herself (she's okay now). Look, the Pix doesn't want to pick on old birds (other than Breet), but leaving the crazy glue next to the saline solution and contacts is wacky even for an avian octogenarian. What would happen if some old geezer mistook his breath mints for his Viagra...........? Bad breath and a 5 hour erection, that's what. And that's not good for anyone. Especially............


Oh, no. Heavens to Mergetroide. It's the wacky witch of the east. The PIx has no idea if anyone out there caught poor Christine's t.v. add for her candidacy. But, well, her opening line is, "I am not a witch". Remember, she is running for the fucking senate of the fucking country. And Sarah Palin thinks this is a good idea. Sorry...............hyperventilating....................and........I'm good. Whew, thanking you.

Rams +3 @Det
Atl -3 over the Cleve
Cinci -6 over Bucs
Bears +1 over Panthers
GB -2 over Skins
NYG +3 @Houston

BTW, Pix is .500 this year, wicked sorry.......

So....................Sesame St. is launching in Nigeria this week with 2 muppets. And one has AIDS. And that wasn't a joke..............


That's "Kami" on the left. She is HIV positive. According to the network, "she has golden hair and a zest for adventure". I guess......

On the right is "Kobi". Kobi, "is involved in a series of troublesome escapades that help others learn from his mistakes". Like what? Not gloving up when shagging the nearest HIV positive golden puppet???? Look, the Pix isn't in charge of children's programming as far as you know, but this seems like a.....bad.......idea....just sayin'....

Here are a few other muppet ideas for Nigeria, courtesy of the Pix......


....."Turdburglar".........otherwise known as the rapist. "The Turdburglar follows single drunk women into rest rooms and rapes them while his bodyguard blocks the door.........and he makes 13 million dollars a year".


..."Ladudian Tampon". "Ladudian likes to pretend that he's a disrespected underdog despite the fact that he has been the recipient of more Peter King slurpitaton than anyone west of you know who. Even a bigger stain now that he is a jet."




...."The real Cookie monster"....

And the Pix' favorite, and I'll give you the description first, "This Jet quarterback likes to bottom and has been known to give defense secrets to the Taliban. Probably responsible for 9-11".


aka....


And........we're through with the Muppets.

NO -7 @AZ
SD -6 @ Oak
Tenn +7 over Dallas
Phily +3 @SFn
Viqueens +4 @ Jets


Pop quiz...........

Byron Scott, coach of Ledouche's former team is........

1. A former Laker poseur
2. One of the worst coaches in NBA history
3. Someone who decided to wear a NAZI tie to media day this week.



If you answered all of the above.............you would be correct. Seriously, though.....and the Pix doesn't really care about Byron Scott, but who designed this tie? Who decided to sell it? Who would buy a tie with swastikas all over it. And are there no PR folks who work for the Cavs? How does something like this happen? The Pix just doesn't get it.

Wait.........the Pix just can't help it.......


BAM! (Pix giggling).

Thanking you, Breet....

Enjoy the weekend everyone,
Pix out