Oh, hello there

The Pix 2012 is going back to it's 2006 roots. A little football, irregular posts, lots of fart jokes, random randomness, and a little political hazing. The internets have been ablaze since the Pix last posted with topics such as Pussy Riot, Jerry Sandusky, Peyton's neck, and of course.....politics.

Given that politics divide so many, and that there seems to be little that the left and right can agree on in the US, the Pix has been diligently searching for a way to unite both sides. Aggressive you say? Presumptuous and pointless? Perhaps not.......as the Pix has discovered a society so advanced beyond conventional thinking that the list of great societal ponderers has to be reset. In the past the list may have gone something like this:

1. Plato
2. Jefferson
3. Belichick

But a way of life so simple yet profound has been brought to the attention of the Pix. A justice system so fair and self evident that it has brought the Pix out of retirement in order to share what can only be described as a game changer of intergalactic proportions.

The Pix refers, of course, to the Chagga tribe of Tanzania. In his ground breaking new book, CURIOUS BEHAVIOR: YAWNING, LAUGHING, HICCUPPING AND BEYOND, author Robert R. Provine introduces us to this marvelous crew:

"Consider the sad fate of Pu Sao of the Tikopia in Polynesia, who was so overcome with shame after farting in the presence of the chief that he committed suicide by climbing a palm tree and impaling himself through the rectum with a sharply pointed branch. Sanctions are less severe among the Chagga of Tanzania, but feminists have a lot of work to do there. If a husband breaks wind, the wife must pretend that it was really she who discharged, and she must submit to scolding about it. Failure to accept responsibility can cost the negligent wife three barrels of beer."

Ok, the Pix knows there's a lot to digest here, so let's take a moment to reflect on the wisdom of the Chagga. Leaving behind the sad fate of Pu Sao, Provine maps out for us, via the Chagga, a blueprint for redefining justice and extrapolating their theories of social structure into improving fields such as gender relations, commerce and of course, geopolitical conflict.

For example, the longstanding fart blame paradigm has always consisted of two main schools of thought:

1. Whoever smelt it delt it.
2. Whoever denied it supplied it.

Despite roughly 6 millennium of human existence, homo sapiens has never found a way to reconcile this conflict, much less the appropriate amount of restitution due to aggrieved party. In one simple piece of logic, the Chagga render both issues moot....

Is it the Pix, or have the Chagga not perfected the concept of no fault insurance (something Massachusetts drivers know a little something about)??

Except they have distilled their philosophy into such refined perfection, that, really, no other laws need to be written into Chagga legislature. Stolen goat? Bird did it. Property dispute? Here's 3 barrells of beer. Punishment? Bird gets a scolding........3 more barrells of beer.

Consider this scenario.....some teenager gets caught stealing the laptop from your car....which outcome would you prefer as the victim of this crime?

A. Stain apologizes and gets 10 hours of community service.
B. His girlfriend comes over for a scolding and gives you 3 kegs of deliciousness.

Um............the Pix has spoken. Can someone get the Chagga at least a facebook page? Pix Likes.

The Pix....

Bills +3 over Jets.
Hmmmmmm. The Pix can't remember....did the Jets make any offseason acquisitions this year? We'll save that for a future week

Saints -8 over Redskins.
RG3 is just a terrible nickname. Seems like a fine fellow, but RG3 needs to go. PG 13? NC 17? Pix needs a few more weeks to sort this out.

Steelers +1 over Donkeys.
Just two despicable quarterbacks here. Turd burglar vs. America's sweetheart Dr. Chicken neck. Never has the Pix rooted so hard for vertebrae to snap. Moving on before Pix gets less charitable.

Pats -6 over some redneck team in the middle of Dumbfukistan. Uh, oh, Pix getting a little surly after the quasi two year layoff. Let's just talk Pats.....

The Guru has done it again. He begins the year with the most talent on the roster since 2007 and is doing so with the youngest squad he has ever had. Guru simultaneously re-loads and re-builds. No way with this amount of wisdom the Guru isn't at least 1/8th Chagga. Pats regular season record 12-4. The Pix has spoken.

Thanks to everyone asking to bring back the Pix for 2012 season. Hopefully we can have some chuckles, stay out of prison, learn about fascinating cultures, drink some deliciousness......and watch Brady & crew bring home their 4th Lombardi tropy.

Pix out.....