12/1/06

As a follow up to the Jihad list, The Pix has decided to to further keep
it real by issuing the WWNMO list. What We Need More Of. For too long
the persecuted and downtrodden men of the North Shore have been
repressed by societal prejudices and Oprah watchers into living lives of
quiet desperation. We need to stand up and reclaim our manifest rights
to uphold the triple standard (rules for men, rules for women, and a
third set for North Shore Men) and once and for all establish our
position on the totem pole of life. The following are but just a few
ideas for the NSM.

1. Put the Cabaret on the North side of RT.1....the position of the
local ballet is a disaster. Regional single mothers are egregiously
being denied many dollar bills due to poor (pardon the pun) pole
position. A recent survey of NSM has revealled a shocking lack of
participation in supporting the arts. Either wise Lynn entrepeneurs
need to open an establishment for aspiring dancers next to bldg 19 on
the Lynnway, or the Banana needs to reopen. It's simple trickle down
economics. Let's do our part.

2. We need to start traveling in Possees. The Burbank constabulary
recently accosted Snoop Dog for traveling with weapons and narcotics
after a stint on Leno. Snoop wisely informed the officers that the two
gentlemen traveling with him in his ride were the actual owners of said
arms and paraphinalia. Genius. Not only did the man name his last
tour, "Doggiestyle", his songs all celebrate his various illegal
endeavors and yet the police can do nothing other than harrass his
possee. I'm not sure how to implement this locally yet, but I'm working
on it.

3. We need a better sports bar. With apologies to the Sky Box and the
Dugout, we have nowhere to all get togeter and bad mouth Nancy Pelosi
and Oprah. Sidlines is the best local establishment, but cooking butts
and fighting over the Golden Tee machine with various wig wogs while the
latest 50 cent opus blasts at 6000 decibels is, in the words of the
immortal BC, sub-optimal. The 3 Cod tavern can not open soon enough.

4. We need our own holiday. TC can attest to the fact that in the
early 90's several of us would march from Barney's to Morton's and
celebrate with a feast that Mike Cronin would then expense and we would
give him cash for. We need to expand this and make it a tradition.
Here's a humble rough itinerary. 18 at Tedesco. Lunch at the 3 Cod.
Safe transportation to ballet for several amateur performances. More
safe transportaion to Morton's. A private demonstration of alternative
lifestyes featuring saphic gymnastics and cuddling followed by safe
transportation home. Objections? The Pix....


Motor city Kitties +14 vs NE. Too many points.

Chicago -9 over Min. Perhaps Fred Smoot's nautical parties could serve
as potential festivity ideas.

NY +3.5 vs Dallas. They need it more.

Donkeys -3 over Seattle. Donkeys play their lead record 306th
consecutive home game.

Indy -7.5 over Ten. The Titan's season makes less sense than that
Stevie Wonder music video from the 80's where a piece of toast floats
around the screen for 4 minutes.

KC - 5 at the Cleve. Larry Johnson came out this week and said he plays
better for Herm Edwards than Dick Vermiel because of shared ancestry.
How, then, does Larry explain the Raiders and Cardinals?

Mia -1.5 vs. Jax. Two teams on inevitable finishes of 8-8.

NO -7 over SF. Bob Lobel slurs worse than Dick Clark, post stroke,
enduring freezing temps and having to share the stage with Stu Scott on
the New Years Rockin Eve. Someone get B-Lo some safe transportation.

Jets -1.5 at Breet. Run, don't walk to Jason Whitlock's article on AOL
sports today. He discusses my two main men Breet and Michael Irvin.

Oakland -3 over Houston. Art Shell thinks someone from within the
organization is undermining him. In other news, TC blames a speeding
ticket he got on a school paper I wrote at Pingree. Apologies to those
not on the Paddle email string.

Tampa +7 at Turd Burglar. If Braeburn were getting points at Pitt this
week I might take Braeburn.

SD -6 at Buffalo. Buffalo seems like a good destination for the 1st
annual NSM field trip.

AZ + 6.5 at Rams. Pete Carrol to the Cardinals is a worse career move
than Michael Irvin to the 700 club.

Wash -2 vs Falcons. Too many jokes. Head might explode.

Carolina pick over Philly. The End.

What has happened to the packaging industry? From trying to open a
packet of Dayquil tablets to buying a wrench at Ace hardware, I need a
buck knife and a crow bar to open anything these days. Forget the
multi-billion dollar wall along the Mexican border, just make it out of
that plastic they wrap kids toys in these days and put the rest of the
money into cancer research. Then, with all the excess $ we've saved the
taxpayers, we can petition the gov't for an official NSM holiday.
Complete with safe transportation........