NFL week 9 and updated Jihad list.

Since the Pix is new to this venue, now seems a good time to roll out an updated version of the Pix favorite columns: the Jihad list. Original followers will remember the first fatwas issued by the Pix in 2006. CVS, gratuitous pickle inclusion on standard lunch fare, small toilets, Cher and any toilet paper that wasn't Charmin with aloe were amongst the first. All are egregious violations against humanity indeed. But the time has come for another shout out to the Pix Mujahideen. I's time to renew the Jihad against............

1. Anyone with piercings who doesn't posess ovaries and keep said bobbles to the auricular region. (Exception: freshman year in college and just for the punk rock party, mmkay?) Seriously, can the piercing and tattoo fad please just go away? When the Pix was growing up the standard physical act of rebellion was growing your hair too long (boys) or cutting it too short (felines). Now it's impossible to find a sorority sister without a tramp stamp of some unknown (to them) Asian origin. And the piercings? The first belly ones were mildly alluring, but the gradual procession to the eyebrow, nose and ultimately the genital region went from ridiculous to sublime in a nanosecond. Half the girls working summer jobs at the local ice cream stand look like they've been attacked by a turretts victim wielding Ron Popeil's "Bedazzler". The Pix just wants a small vanilla bowl with jimmies, please. Thanks.

2. No, actually I'm still on the piercings. The Pix read last month where some unfortunate bird in England go here left breasticle pierced and it got infected............by the flesh eating virus. Talk about unintended consequences. All joking aside for a moment, women have a hard enough time with their breasticli as it is........bras, babies, bumps and lumps.......seriously just leave them alone. They look really really really great all by themselves. The only metal involved whatsoever should remain the well constructed yet oddly pliable underwire. You're welcome.

3. Dennis and Callahan. Apologies to those who don't live in the greater Boston area. D and C are Boston's #1 rated morning radio show. Ostensibly it is a sports program, but for the last year of so these two ass clowns have been masquerading as political pundits or simply 2 people with a modest knowledge of world and local affairs. They make the VPILF look like Copernicus. Here's what the Pix wants on his 4 minute commute to the office. Sox win, fart joke, rumor of a new celebrity sex tape. That's it. That's all. The two of you know less about the constitution than Travis Henry knows about planned parenthood (9 kids, 7 babymamas, 2 cities. As the Pix said last year, "2-4-6-8 Travis likes to procreate"). Get back to hot stove and the cover two before the Pix picks up the phone and impales you on the spear of your own bigotry and ignorance. Wait, that's two spears. Um, you know wtf I mean.


4. Um, actually, that's it for now. The Pix is fading and we have to get to the NFL. So for now fellow Mujahadids, stay strong on the Jihad. And tip those ice cream girls......tattoo removal is expensive I hear. The Pix...............


NO +1 at ATL. Saints need it more. We are at that time of the season where desparation begins to have an effect on all the games. Atl is giddy about their unexpected start. And maybe a little complacent.

Chi +3 over Ten. Ditto for this game. And according to SI's DR. Z, the boys in Vegas are begging for people to take the Titans.

Jax-6 @ Det. Sometimes the Pix will throw his underwear in the hamper and hopes the official wife doesn't inspect it too closely before it hits the washer. Nothing about football here, just felt like getting that off my chest.

Sea +10 @Mia. True story........Rahm Emmanuel, Obama's newly tabbed chief of staff is actually the person who was the inspiration for the character of Josh Lyman on "The West Wing". Not sure if that's cool or not but it's a far cry from discussing the Pix's used scivvies.

GB +2 @Minn. Readers should all know by now that the Pix is in the tank for the Pack and all things "sconnie".

Rams +8 ove Jets. Pix has it on good authority that Breet owns and operates a piercing pagoda notorious four using dirty needles and cooking meth in the basement. He also wrote in Palin for pres last Tuesday.

Baltimore +2 @Houston. Me thinks a certain someone in Westport, CT has noticed by now the number of road dogs picked this week. We'll discuss it in Nassau..........

Carolina -9 @ Oak. Raiders cut D'angelo Hall this week after paying him 1 million per week for the first 8 weeks of the season. In other news, the Pix 401k has become a 201k.

Indy even @ Pitt.
KC +14 @ SD.
NYG +3 @ Philly.
Arizona -9 against SF.

NE -4 agaist Buffalo. The Bills are dinged up and the Pats HAVE to win this to stay in the thick of things. Pix says Moss catches 2 td's and the Guru gets to relax early.

The Pix was 7-7 last week and remains a very profitable (for entertainment purposes only) 41-19 on the season vs. Vegas.