Nothing funny going on in the world this week. The Pix will just be shotgun blasts of extreme randomness and football. Pix was 9-4 against the spread last week. 50-23 for the season. The Pix..........
Atlanta -5 over Denver. The Donkeys suck.
Carolina -14 over Detroit. The kitties suck. And don' t ask the Pix why he capitalized Donkeys and not kitties.
GB -3 over Chicago. Here's a list of people the Pix is glad the official wife didn't date before the Pix: Kid Rock, Patrick Ewing, K-fed, A-rod or any of the hyphenated people, Lexinton Steele, Peter North, Anderson Cooper and Kobe. Mind you, it's only a partial list.
Houston +9 over Indy. The Pix was walking by the kids' tv room last weekend when he heard these words from the TV:
"Humpty Dumpty climbed up the wall.
Humpty Dumpty was afraid to fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had to help Humpty Dumpty down the wall again."
What the f?! The sissification of America's children has now gone to far. The Pix had to break it down this way for the official boys, ages 3 and 2. "Listen, guys, this is B.S. Humpty not only dies, he suffers a through a horrible procedure that entails horses using their hooves trying to manipulate fragmented shells of egg. And his parents were losers. He could have been called Steve Dumpty, or Bill Dumpty, but his parents chose 'Humpty'. He was obviously an 'accident' in the first place. It's WWII week on AMC, let's put somehting real on the television. Who wants anther juice box?"
Saints -5 over KC. Unrelated to the NFL, the Pix knows why Notre Dame is off again this year. Jimmy Claussen, their golden boy qb is the problem. He just looks wierd. Check him out the next time the Irish are on tv. He has this strange slavic frontal lobe where the upper regions of his eye sockets meet the lower forhead. It makes him look, um, mentally slow. If you are the #1 recruit in the country and play qb for Notre Dame, you have to look the part. He doesn't.
Oak +11 over Miami. "Dancing with the Stars" and all other c list celeb reality tv shows must go away. Let's just go straight to a cable channel that hires c list celebs to take their clothes off. It's where we are headed in the next 20 years anyways. Can we just get it over with? The Pix doesn't want to see you dance, sing, mud wrestle, lose weight or live in a house together. Just skip to the naked part. Thanks.
NYG -6.5 over Baltimore. **********SUPER RANDOMNESS ALERT********** The Pix has a new favorite restaraunt in Marblehead. "Zaika", is an Indian restaraunt where "Renaldo's" used to be. The Pix got take out there last Sunday night. DELICIOUS. The owner, Kulwan, is the Pix newest BFF. He loves sports and tends bar when he's not overseeing the kitchen activity. The Pix reccomends the Lamb Kashmiri or the Chicken Tikki Masala. "Zaika" is Punjabi for "perfect taste". Kulwan also lives in Marblehead and has a daughter at lower Bell school. His family's restaraunt in the back bay is called "India Samraat". It got best of Boston in 2007 and acually wins it most years. Legit.
AZ -3 over Seattle. You know those two volleyball chicks for the US that have won the last two gold medals and like 3,000 straight matches? The ones NBC showed for like 1/2 of the Olympics? Come closer, the Pix has a secret for you. Ready? They're not hot. There, I said it. They were like the ugliest birds in the volleyball competion. WHEEEW>>>>that felt good. The Pix has been holding that one in since August.
TB -4 over GB. Let's be honest, though. Misty May and Kerri Walsh? Yes and yes is the answer. They are kind of like the Stella Artois of female volleyball players. (Pix week 2 or 3 for the reference).
Philly -9 over Cinci. Message to Democrats......Al Franken? Get a hold of yourselves.
Sf -6 over Rams. Just because I think Mike Singletary might kill himself if the niners don't win one soon.
Jax +3 over Tenn. Message to the media who want to bring up the possibility of The Titans going 16-0........When Kerry Collins is your quarterback, it means that Kerry Collins is your quarterback.
Pitt -3 over SD. *********Mild Randomness Alert***** remember the old dude muppets who heckled from the balcony? Their names are Statler and Waldorf. What's strange is that they were referred to as Statler and Waldorf, but Statler was on the right and Waldorf was on the left. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Bonus muppett randomness, best muppetts in order are Sweetums, Animal and then Snuffleupagus. Just sayin.
Dallas even over Washington. If the Pix were Miss Piggy's agent, she would have had a much better career. She was too typecast as a frog loving floozy. The Pix thinks she had much more theatrical range and a better than average voice. Unfortunately for the porcine princess, Maxim and Stuff magazines came along a little too late in her career.
Cleveland +5.5 over Buff. Whatever.
Jets +3.5 over NE. Look, this pains the Pix, but Breet and Manjudas have a better supporting cast around them right now than Cassell and the Guru. The Pix isn't saying the Pats' defense resembles a M.A.S.H. unit, but Klinger, Radar, Hot Lips and Bj were seen landing in Providence Tuesday and headed up rt.1 (By the way, people may dispute this, but the Pix believes that Winchester was funnier than Frank Burns, BJ funnier than Trapper and Col Potter a slight upgrade over Henry Blake. Discuss). The Pix just hates the match up of the Jets offense against our defense. Unless Moss and Welker go off tonight (and the rain won't help), things just don't look great for the Elvi.
Having just read over this week's post, some may question the Pix' parenting methods. Let's just say what really happened after "L'ffaire Humpty" was actually far more serious. After admonishing both children for watching a "liberal" channel like Noggin, we took a little field trip to the garage where we smashed their bike helmets with a sledge hammer. "Don't want to get hurt? Don't fall, then. And for damn sure don't fall on your heads". Let's just say they had no problem eating their broccoli that night.
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Pix out.
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