As all here know, one of the Pix' pet peeves is lame commercials during football games and in general. Nothing infuriates the Pix more when beer ads are bad. Really, how hard can this be? Here are the basic rules for a succesful beer ad campaign..
1. Make me laugh. This is really rule 1-10.
2. Show me some tail.
3. Involve sports celebrities from the 70's sitting around a bar arguing.
4. Show dumb men doing dumb things to get more beer.
5. Rinse and repeat.
The gold standard for beer ads was, is and always will be the Miller Lite ads from the 70's and the "tastes great" , "less filling" debate. Whole sports stadiums would pick up the chant during games. The Pix was on a subway once on the way to a game when this chant would break out. Unfortunately, since then only one truly great beer ad campaign has taken its place, the "Real men of genius" Bud Light ads. Faux Steve Perry of "Journey" crooning about "Mr. nudist colony activity coordinator". An instant classic. Which is why the turd sandwiches that Bud Light is serving up lately automatically disqualify this beverage from being purchased. I present you with the 2008-2009 Bud light ad campaign........"the difference is Drinkability".........
Really? That's it? Drinkability? Is InBev already running the Bud ads, because if that's the case, it's time to invade Belgium immediately. F*&ing "Drinkability"? Note to Bud Light.......I wasn't going to take the beer in suppository form. The Pix generally drinks his beer by, well, drinking it.
Let's apply this ad logic and see if it could word with other examples of commercials.
Sleepy's.........because, um, you need a mattress to sleep on. The difference is sleepability. Yep, sounds good.
Jordan's furniture.......your house would look dumb empty. You can sit on our furniture and everything.
We obviously could go on forever here. Car ads....drivability, restaraunts..eatability....whatever. The Pix just imagines a bunch of ad execs tapping their pencils on a conference table until one guy says, "Um, what about 'drinkability'?" All the execs look around the table simultaneously wondering if America is really that stupid and eventually reach the conclusion that yes, we are. Frustrating.
The Pix once heard a rumor that several ad agencies put their most creative people together, had them smoke a little weed and would inevitably come up with their best campaigns. The Pix believes this to be true especially when one remembers the Quiznos ads from 4 years ago that featured two floating hamsters playing guitars and singing falsetto. These were the lyrics:
"We love the subs.
cause they are good to us
the Quiznos suuuuubs. They are tasty they are cruncy they are good because we toast them
(long pause for effect)
they have a pepper bar."
http://www.slate.com/id/2095868/
Seriously, go find the you tube of this thing. Hilarious. Other than that the Pix really has no point this week. The Pix......
Buff -7 over SF
Balt -7 over Cincy
Indy -4 over Cleveland
GB -3 over Carolina
Rams +9 over Miami
NO +4 over TB
Giants -3 over Wash
SD +6 over ATL
Donkeys +9 over Jets
Oak +3 over KC
Chi +4 over Minn
Jax +4 over Houston
Patriots even over Pitt
As years past, the Pix slows down around Thanksgiving and the annual hunting trip to the Berkshires. Expect the posts to increase in frequency the second half of December. And try to get that Quiznos song out of your heads.
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