Ok, ok, ok

So the Pix has been lame. Not writing, predicting, complaining....pretty much doing nothing. It's not that the occasional impulse to write is gone, it's just that the usual sources for commentary.....stupid people being stupid....just isn't as surprising or amusing any more. Burger King launching a beef scented body spray, Bush getting some shoes launched at him in Iraq (nice going secret service....I'm feeling really good about Obama's safety after that episode), OJ going to prison, Blagojevich, dudes shooting women while having sex.....all blog worthy I suppose. But nothing seems outrageous anymore. Teacher sex scandals used to be fun, but now they are once a week and have just become..........predictable. And it's sad. Due to the internets and daily instant access to the most outrageous stories spanning the globe, I fear the Pix has become immune to random unintentional comedy and incredibly poor decision making. That is until this beauty of a headline appeared last Wednesday, "Favre makes Pro Bowl". The Pix....

Balt +5 over Dallas. Let's start with the most important game of the week for the Patriots. The entire nation thinks the Ravens will go down and that the Pats get in the playoffs by winning out. The Pix kind of agrees, but is very worried about what Ray Lewis can do to a banged up Romo and a TO who likes going over the middle as much as Putin likes oil under 35 a barrell. Rooting for Dallas feels as natural as Pam Anderson's tits, but the Pix will be pulling hard for the 'boys Saturday.

Cinci +3 over Cleveland. The Pix has said it before, but watching Romeo Crennell coach a football game has the same feel as watching children play in traffic. Or Acky trying to skate.

Detroit +8 over Saints. What a great run these two cities are on. Between the auto industry and Katrina, these places make Seattle look like Rio during Carnival. The Pix thinks the Lions actually could win this game. Wait, did I really just type that? And I'm not even drunk yet?

KC +4 over Miami. To quote the Japanese employee from "Major League", "these guys aren't so shitty". I'm referring to the Chiefs. Plus, we REALLY need the fins to puke one up here.

SF -4 over the Rams. The guess here is that Solomon Wilcotts is prominently involved with this game's broadcast. Ratings should fall somewere in between reruns of "Cagney and Lacey" and the 2 am infomercial featuring anything from Ronco. (Note to Mr. Popeil, please bring back the civil war chess set).

Pitt -1 over Tenn. Possibly settles home field advantage for AFC. Neither of these over-rated teams want to see the Pats anywhere near the playoffs.

SD +3 over Tampa. Breet getting the nod over Rivers for the Pro Bowl is a worse injustice than what happened Tom Robinson in "To Kill a Mockingbird". Actually, wait...........ok, what happened to Tom was worse. But it's closer than you think.

Donkeys -7 over Buff. Congratulations to Dick Jauron for winning the Pix' 1st annual dumbest dumb ass of an already incredibly stupid dumb ass football season award. Really Dick? A pass from JP Lose-man from your own 27 with 2 minutes left after Breet gift wraps you a typical Breet present? You DUMBASS. The reminds me of my favorite commercial from a few years ago showing a kid on a job interview saying "And that is why I think I'm qualified for the job Mr. Dumb.......ass". Camera then shows bosses nameplate while boss simultaneously says, "it's Dumas (pronounced doom-ah). Ok, funnier on TV. Moving on........

Houston -7 over Raiders. Here's a brief list of things/people who have had a fall analogous to the Raiders from the 70's and 80's. Tara Reid, OJ, Michael Jackson, high fructose corn syrup, disco, the calculator, (Bernie Madoff is too recent) Eastern European communist nation states and Brent Musberger. That's it. That's the list.

Seattle +5 over Jets. Speaking of the calculator, what the *^%#@ is Aston Kutcher jumping around the TV advertising? Is that a *(&^% camera? Made by **$#@ Casio? What ^$!# century are we living in? Next up for Aston.....maybe an fm radio, or some 45's. Nice career, buddy. Maybe since he's dating a bird who peaked in 1980 and starred in "that 70's show" he actally feels more connected to bygone eras. Someone get Bea Arthur on speed dial. (the Pix loves him some Bea Arthur jokes).

Atlanta +3 over Minn. Tavaris. Tavarious. Taverus. Tivernus. Tuviras. Special Pix shout out to whomever can correctly spell the first name of the Vikings starting QB.

Philly -5 over Washington. Way to tie Cinci, Eagles. How bad will Philly fans feel after they miss the playoffs by 1/2 a game due to the tie vs the Cinmates?

Giants -3 over Carolina. The Panthers are a paper tiger.

Chicago -4 over GB. The Pix is 0-whatever taking the Pack every week since the pilgrimage to Lambeau. Here's a reverse jinx for you Sconnie.

Birds +9 over Pats. Calm down, people. The Pix just thinks 9 points is too much considering Arizona has one of the top passing units in the league and NE is starting Ray Clayborn, Tim Fox and Dick Van Dyke (still alive by the way) in the secondary. By the way, Cassell not making the Pro Bowl instead of Breet is an injustice somewhere in between the "trail of tears" and Cortez vs the Aztecs. Ok, maybe not on par with twin genocides, but it's closer than you think.

Hmmmm....that was fun. Maybe the Pix can regain some mojo in the new year. In the meantime, Merry and Happy to all. Except for Breet.