The Pix has been flirting lately with the starting up the 2010 season. Unlike seasons past, Breet hasn't drawn out the Pix with any of his usual nonsense, or maybe it's just that nobody cares about Breet anymore (after all, Peter King has been in South Africa covering some soccer thing). Readers know that nothing fires up the Pix like frauds, braying jack asses, poseurs and stains. And there has been somewhat of a development recently in the sporting world that fits all of those things. "The King", Mebron, Shebron, Ledunce, Lebrass, Lefraud, Lebrenedict Arnold.....whatever you want to call him. It is he that must be discussed. The Pix has had enough.
With every writer and blogger having already contributed their two cents on the topic, one might think it difficult not to repeat what has already been said by the masses. And the Pix is sure that some of what will be written will be unoriginal. Wicked sorry. The Pix does, however, have somewhat of an unorthodox take on the hole deal.......which is that the city of Cleveland is not being discussed enough in the context of Ledecision. Or if it is discussed, it is with pity and no small amount of shadenfreude (pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others). The Pix says "enough". Some background......
The Pix took two trips to Cleveland in the last decade due to "The Stick" attending business school there. Both trips turned out to be two of the most amusing weekends in the fairly amusing life of The Pix. Were there arrests? Yes. Was a hostage taken at one point? Yes. (seriously, we took a friggin hostage). Was ther a robbery? Affirmative. Was there potential for manslaughter at a certain urban dancing establishment? The Pix can neither confirm nor deny. Let's just say there was tomfoolery and ballyhoo aplenty. And while the cast of characters from Boston will remain relatively anonymous, the major players in these two tragicomedies will not: the good people of Cleveland. That's right, this Bostonian is on record that Cleveland has the friendliest and funniest people in America. Not that comparing anyone to the Mass holes here is a particularly high bar to hurdle....
More love for the Cleve?? You got it. Two of the best books The Pix has read are all about Cleveland and the peeps by lake Erie. "Crooked River Burning", by Mark Winegardner and "First and Last Seasons: A Father, a Son and Sunday Afternoon Football", by Dan McGraw are must reads for everyone. Read either and you will laugh, you will cry, and you will learn to love Cleveland. Before 2004, let's face it, Red Sox fans had a lot in common with the Cuyahoga crew. We had the Yankees and the Browns had the Steelers (we can still all hate the Steelers together....and don't think The Pix has forgotten about Rapelisberger the Turd). Ever meet a Steeler fan? They are douche bags. They are Yankee fans in different colors. In short, The Pix is declaring Cleveland to be Boston's new sister city. In addition, the Pix is calling for a road trip this year to the Cleve for either the Nov 7 game against the Pats, or the Jan 7 game against the Pittsburgh turds. The Pix has spoken.
So against this backdrop, The Pix has cautiously been watching the Lebron situation....originally because the Pix didn't want him to go to New York like every other free agent on the planet who sells his soul for Manhattan money. Eventually, however, the Pix just didn't want to see the good people of Cleveland stabbed in the back and left at the altar once again. They watched as Fart Modell stole the Browns from them to move to that cess pool called Baltimore. Can you imagine if the Patriots or Red Sox were taken from Boston? Losing the most popular and talented athlete since Jim Brown would be bad enough......but this kid was FROM THERE. The Pix has heard and read all the analogies about Letraitor leaving, but here is the Pix' take:
There's this couple in their mid thirties. She's more in love with him than he with her...so much so that you think he'll probably dump her. But they stay together for seven years and there are even rumors that he will propose. She is the coolest chick you know by the way. She likes beer and football and is a little freaky too if you can smell what the Pix is cooking. In the last 6 months she has gotten herself into great shape and is looking better than ever (part of the reason is that her little sister is getting married and she wants to look her best as the maid of honor). The big weekend of the wedding arrives and there is a rumor that he is going to propose during the reception. Everyone knows that there is nothing greater in the world for this bird (in her mind)than to marry this guy. He climbs up on the stage and takes the microphone from the wedding singer. He calls his girlfriend up to the stage. He takes a knee and produces the hardware..........and then he proposes to the 23 year old he hooked up with the night before. That, readers, is about 1/10th the magnitude of what Leposeur did.
The Pix would also like to thank Jesse Jackson for reminding the country what an out of touch race baiter he is. Reacting to Cavs' owner Dan Gilbert's statements, Jackson compared Lebron to a slave and Gilbert to a slave owner. Jesse, the Pix did a little research and it turns out that very few slaves earned 15 million dollars per year. If James' treatment by Gilbert was anything resembling a slave/owner relationship, the Pix has one question....which way to the plantation?
So, Shebron, an hour long special on you in prime time so you could punch Cleveland in the nut sack in front of the whole world? That was your solution? Breet just called and wants his insecurity back. You have known for months you were leaving. You quit in the playoffs because you knew you couldn't leave if you had won a title. In that spirit, you stole the owner's money. You stole the fan's money. You lived a lie for the entire season. You lied to every team that cleared cap space to fairly recruit you. You didn't return calls or emails from the Cavs organization. What, were they too fair to you? Too adoring? Too loyal? You wouldn't talk to Tom Izzo when he was considering coaching the Cavs. What's wrong with Tom Izzo? Too classy? Too much of a proven winner? How hard would it have been to simply say this:
"After much soul searching and gut wrenching angst, I have decided to leave the city of my home and pursue my career in another town. Cleveland is my family, but like many families, the son has to leave and find his own way in the world. I can never repay the city or the Cavalier organization for all that they have given me. I deeply regret my inability to bring a championship to the great people of Cleveland. This is simply a time in my life that I believe I must do what is best for my career. I am sorry that doesn't entail staying in my home town. I wish the Cavaliers nothing but the best." Or something like that....shit, the Pix doesn't do this for a living.
The Pix won't even get into what this turd actually said. That's a whole other post.
We do have Mebron to thank for one thing, however: a new category for the Pix. In the spirit of Breet, the Yankees, A-fraud, Ladudian Tampon, the Jets, Ray Lewis and many others......the Pix would like to introduce the HALL OF STAIN. In the future there will be a new email address for the Pix where readers can nominate all kinds of miscreants into the Hall. The class of 2010 will be anounced at the end of the year and a celebration will be held in the Pix' new football watching mecca (my garage) complete with deliciousness and any other nonsense we can think of between now and then. Maybe we'll invite Cleveland's domestic ambassador Drew Carey to help inaugurate Lamebron. (you know what Drew Cary likes? Beer and strippers. Know who likes Drew Carey? The Pix.)
That is it and that is all. Welcome to The Pix 2010. Preseason starts in a few weeks.....
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