For the last few weeks, the innocent eyeballs of NFL fans have been subjected to a dazzling yet ridiculous array of PINK plastered over every inch of football scenery. This is not a new concept. Two years ago (I think) Major League Baseball had it's first breast cancer awareness day and teams all around the majors wore pink hats, swung pink bats, and began the deplorable trend of disguising just another marketing ploy under the guise of a worthy cause. It seemed blasphemous then.......now it is downright gross. Naturally, the NBA picked it up......then the NFL for one week last year.......and now this, the entire month of October. Forgive the Pix for barfing. And before the birds reading this go apeshit and think the Pix is disrespecting breast cancer awareness month........take a midol. The Pix loves breast cancer awareness. The Pix loves breasts, period. Sweater kittens, cans....big fan, the Pix. It's just that this latest bandwagon jumping of the NFL is so frigging transparent. Here's the deal.....go to nflproshop.com and see what the big sellers are this month. That's right, pink stuff. Lots of it. Every possible combination of shirt/short/pin/ribbon/ball/hat whatever is pink. It's pinkapalooza and the Pix has had enough. That's why the Pix has called his good friend, prostate cancer awareness (pac) to get his take on this phenomenon.
Pix: PCA, what's up?
PCA: Not much. Just sitting here in obscurity feeling pretty bummed.
Pix: That pink thing got you down?
PCA: Totally. How come nobody ever mentions me? I affect 1 in every 6 men in America by the time they hit 70. That's vs. 1 in 8 women affected by breast cancer. Why no love for the prostate?
Pix: Not sure, but....
PCA: I'll tell you why. Because I look like this.....
instead of these.......
Tough compeTITon, no?
Pix: I feel ya, prostate, but breast cancer awareness is very important and really not something to joke about.
PCA: I know, it's just that one would think that of all the types of cancer out there, I'd be the one to get the attention of the professional sports organizations. But it's all about marketing, isn't it. I mean, look at this......
and this......
and these.....
I mean, what do pink Tennessee Titan Christmas tree ornaments have to do with football, or Christmas, or the Titans for that matter? Money. That is it, and that is all. Guess what percentage of BCA merchandise sales are going to breast cancer research? None as far as I can tell. The NFL web site says nothing about it. It's all a ploy to get birds to buy NFL gear and pretend to look socially engaged at the same time. Breet should be running this scam. Meanwhile, I'm trying to market this...
Pix: Ouch.
PCA: And do you think the WNBA returns my calls? How about some baby blue ribbons on their uniforms? And forgive my insensitivity, but you know what happens post mastectomy? These:
That's right. State of the art silicone jumblees that don's sag or look like a shriveled leather handbag after several years. Dudes aren't that lucky. They get this:
a bottle of Viagra and a penis pump. Pretty unfair deal, I'd say. Look, it's not that hard to get men to think about chesticlie. It starts pretty early:
And they don't make it any easier on us as time goes on.......
Meanwhile, my marketing campaign consisted of Andy Sipowiz getting a couple of shows worth of attention on NYPD Blue back in the day:
How's that working out for me?
Pix: Ok, prostate cancer awareness, I get it. It's tough out there. What can a humble Pix do for you and for the cause?
PCA: How about a little idea for a marketing campaign?
Pix: Done, here's what we'll do. We'll get Roger Goodell, David Stern and Bud Selig on the horn. We trade April and May combined to breast cancer awareness and we get October back. The birds will like it because they like flowers and warm weather and shit. Let baseball players wear pink because nobody watches baseball in the spring anyway. We call October Cocktober and get the NFL to donate a portion of merchandise sales to prostate cancer awareness because men are the only gender who buys there stuff in the first place. I mean, the only people wearing the pink gear this fall are the coaches, players and refs. Totally gay.....
PCA: Hmmm....that's good start. How about beating .500 for the first time with your "pix" this season?
Pix: No promises, but
Rams +8 over Sd
Houston -4 over KC
Saints -4 at Bucs
ATL +3 at Philly
Det -10 vs Giants
Mia +whatever at GB (game off board for now due to Rodger's grape)
Pitt -13 over Cleve
Denver +3 over Jets
SF -7 over Oak
Dallas +2 over the "elderly sexter" (courtesy J. Tedford)
Indy -3 over Wash
Ten -3 over Jax
Patriots -3 over Ravens. Really. Bet it. Big.
PCA: Thanks, Pix. And a big shout out to my good friend breast cancer awareness. Love the girls......
......hate the disingenuous marketing.
Pix: Roger that prostate cancer awareness.......best of luck.
Pix out....(and dodging lightning bolts)
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O. M. G.
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