The Jets came in for their close up this week and, as predicted by the Pix, didn't exactly "represent". 45-3? 41-3? The Pix can't even remember the final score, probably because the Pix was laughing too hard. The Guru put a clown suit on the J-E-T-S and spray painted "bitches" on the back of the team bus before it exited the stadium. Just pathetic. The Pix can barely muster any antipathy for Rex or the Jets at this point. They are like the little neighborhood dog that yaps and yaps and yaps.....
......until finally this guy comes along and does everyone a favor........
Watching last Monday's game at the G5 was one of 2010's best moments for the Pix. The Pix didn't even mind the smelly old dude who picked his teeth for four quarters next to him. Well, that's not entirely true. The Pix minded. It's called flossing, people, and it's meant to be done in the privacy of one's bathroom. Not by your pinky finger in a bar.
The playoff picture is coming into focus, no? There seem to be only four games of note this weekend:
Chargers -7 over Chiefs
Dolphins +6 over Jets
Pats -3 over Bears
Raiders +5 over Jaguars
None of the other games on the schedule hold a scintilla of interest for the Pix. The Dolphins beating the Jets could be very amusing. And pleasing. And delicious. In the same week that the Jets get beaten like red headed step children, the Red Sox pick up A-gon and Crawford, and Rex Ryan gets busted for soliciting a pre-op tranny (Pix may be making last part up). Good times. In general, the city of New York is looking like the top right corner of this foto.
One thing the Pix notices each football season is that every year some business or industry goes advertisement wacky. Last year it was the mattress industry. Between Sleepy's, Jordans, 1-800-Mattres (leave the last s off for savings), one couldn't get through a quarter of football or 5 minutes of sports talk radio without feeling like you were the only person in the world not in the market for a new mattress. This year it is auto insurance. Something, frankly, that the Pix devotes exactly zero minutes each year to think about. Is the Pix missing something? Auto insurance costs about 800 bucks give or take, right? It's a highly regulated industry, so premiums don't actually differ all that much. Hence margins are very low. So Geico, State Farm, Progressive, and All State are attacking the air waves of every football game in America like the 5th Panzer division at Bastogne......for what? "Saving" me 50 bucks? And since they all claim they are less expensive than all of their competitors.......someone is lying. Right? Well, the Pix doesn't like liars, tooth pickers, poseurs or Russians. And the Pix doesn't like the incessant bombardment of car insurance companies running reams of ads while otherwise scantily clad birds could be amusing the Pix in advertisements for wonder-bras or leopard print spanx. MEOWW.
Wait, where was the Pix? Oh, car insurance. Look, the Pix has had it with this guy...
The fake laughing dandy who acts like the funniest people in the world are the employees of State Farm. The Pix would march 100 miles through the desert without deliciousness to take one shot at this jack wagon's chin. And this bird isn't much better.....
Get. Off. My. TV. The Pix' favorite part of this ad is the "price gun", where you point at a box and somehow simulate the act of naming your own premiums to pay.
The Pix tried this at the local boozatorioum without success. The Pix walked into the store, aimed a fake gun at a case of Bud Light and proceeded to exit the facility with said deliciousness. Fortunately, the proprietor of said establishment has more than a casual relationship with the Pix (I am personally funding his retirement with large purchases of nectar), and nothing unfortunate came from this experiment. Moving on to All State:
The first guy, as we all know is Dennis Haysbert. Better known as Pedro Cerrano from "Major League". Or Jonas Blane from "The Unit". The other guy is just some dumbass the Pix has never seen before. Forget, for a moment, the dumbass. Every time the Pix sees Dennis Haysbert, the Pix goes into a semi consciouss trance and repeats, over and over again, "Why did CBS cancel 'The Unit'?" "Why did CBS cancel 'The Unit'?" The Pix doesn't have a joke here, the Pix just real, really liked "The Unit".
And then there's the Grande Poohbas of Posing. Geico. Just the name sends the Pix into fits and seizures. See if you can guess who the spokesperson for Geico is......
or
or
or
or
or
or
If you guessed A, B, D, or F......you are correct. If you guessed anything else, you evidently don't own a television set. If you guessed E, the police are on the way to arrest you. Better hide the NAMBLA literature.
The Pix is trying to figure out Geico's strategy here. Either their Ad team needs some more focussed leadership or Don Draper need lots schizophrenia medication. Let's start with some Lexapro. It seems the strategy is to simply inundate the airwaves with a heavy volume of disconnected and sometimes contradictory statements....kind of like Sarah Palin's current tactic in preparation for her 2012 campaign. Please, Geico, for the love of God and all that is Holy......just stop. We get it. You can save us some money on our car insurance. Seriously, we know......and the Pix likes lizards with british accents as much as the next guy, but even Budweiser knew when enought was enough and euthanized Spuds Mckenzie.
Remember Spuds?
The Pix would like Spuds to come back and take a run at that State Farm geek.
Anyway, this is the time when Pix gets bored and has run out of material. What's that you say? That was about 6 paragraphs ago? You hurt the Pix.....so now just leaving you with your weekly moment of Zen (thanking Jon Stewart).
........and the Pix is out. Pats 31, Bears 19.
Location:Fiji.....or the 3 Cod.
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