The internet, the remote, personal beer vending machines, the home
kegerator, the nanny cam.......all good uses of home technology. All
value adds. An apparent value add would also be caller i.d.. What's
better than screening the mother in law, random acquaintance, lame
neigbor etc...?(Note to parents of Pix, I would of course NEVER screen
you) In fact, I haven't actually seen the official wife of the pix
answer the home phone in over 2 years. It will be sitting right next to
her, ringing, and she won't even glance at it. No screen, nothing. The
pix is generally pro inactivity, but c'mon, it's right next to you!
However, for the second time this season we are reminded of Newton's 3rd
law (action/reaction). For although caller i.d. without a doubt is
delicious and nutricious, we have lost a simple yet great pleasure in
our technilogically advanced lives. I speak of course of the prank
phone call. Throughout the 70's and 80's, the Pix turned the prank
phone call into an art form. The cranky fossills down the street, the
4th grade music teacher, any female classmates who resisted the romantic
advances of the Pix, Claude Hasbrook........all took severe beatdowns
thanks to the green rotary phone nestled comfortably in the blue shag
carpet on the official childhood home of the Pix. No risk, no
consequences, just pure hilarity and shenanigans. As late as the early
90's, coworkers of the Pix were being called home from work to address
the 7 yards of bark mulch erroneously dropped into their neighbor's
driveway. Oops. But then caller i.d. came along and faster than A-rod
could opt out of 81 million the art of the prank phone call was lost.
Seemingly forever. Until........pricing for long distance phone calls
collapsed and it was time to haze Canada. "Hello, Canada? This is the
Pix. Your currency is......wait, never mind." But now it is time to
marry the internet to the prank phone call. Enter Babblefish.com. A
web site that will translate phrases from any language into any
language. Me thinks Iran should prepare for a call or two. Never
before has there been a way for teenage Americans to eat Cheetos and
fight the insurgency at the same time. Sign up for Vonage, log onto
Babblefish and have at it.

"Hello, Abdulla? This is Ali from down the street. I just can't take
it any more. The guilt is killing me, praise be Allah. Remember how I
said your daughter and I were at the mosque last week reading the Koran?
We were actually having a four way with your camel and 2 Kurds. See you
in the afterlife.

"Yeah, Hi, Muhammed? I just wanted to let you know the compass I gave
you for your birthday last year is broken. You've been praying for
months with your butt facing Mecca. Wicked sorry.

"Hi Osama? I's me. Hey, what's wrong with your fax machine? I've been
trying to send you a cartoon of the prophet Muhammed manually assisting
an American soldier and it won't go through. I'll just nail it to your
door instead. Ciao!

The Pix.........

All road teams.

NE -whatever over Indy. The Guru has been waiting since last January to
exact his revenge on Master Card Manning and the Turtleneck Reverend.
This is why he signed Moss, Welker, Stallworth and Thomas. Grenada had
a better chance. Dog the bounty hunter's kid has a better chance of
reuniting with, um, Dog.....than the Colts have of stopping the
juggernaut. The beatdown will be swift and it will be severe. Hide the
women and children, Indy. Turtleneck Tony was even stupid enough to
reiterate is spygate comments this week. Final score Pats 41, Indy 17.
Pix 1, Ahmajinidad 0.