With apologies to Crash Davis (played by Kevin Costner in Bull
Duhram).......The Pix believes: that the left lane is for passing (that
includes the moving walkways in airports), that there's no freaking way
Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, that Ohio St. has the best uniforms in
college football, that people should only stop and smell the roses if
they're sure they're not in my way, that it should never take more than
3 minutes to read and make a decision off a dinner menu (4 minutes if
it's in a foreign language), that if a waitperson doesn't have a serving
of deliciousness on the table within 6 minutes of sitting down the tip
will be reduced proportionately one percent for every minute thereafter,
that Texas has the coolest shape of any state, that the novels of Susan
Sontag are self indulgent overrated crap, that Heinekken and Amstel lite
are undrinkable weasel piss, that the country doesn't need more than one
brand of ED pill, that the Patriots will go 19-0, that the Red Sox
should not trade Lester, Bucholtz or Ellsbury, that all coins should be
eliminated from American currency, that America desperately needs a
third political party, that most people are pro choice AND pro life,
that hip-hop/rap is to music what etch a sketch is to art, that one
indeed can be pro noise yet anti funk, that Wink Martindale was the
greatest game show host ever, that SNL peaked the year Martin Short and
Billy Crystal were in the cast, that beef should always be prepared
medium rare, that September is the best month of the year, that rice
pilaf is disgusting, that Pinot Noir is overrated, that Katie Couric is
still kind of cute, that "The Pugilist at Rest:Stories" by Thom Jones
(thanks Johnny) should be on every man's book shelf, that "Merry
Christmas" is perfectly fine, that processed cheese food should never be
confused with real cheese, that 1% milk is a waste of everyone's time,
that Saran wrap should be easier to get out of the box and that the Guru
is the greatest coach of all time in any sport. The Pix....

Rams -3 over Atl

Wash -5.5 over Buffalo. Note to the Mia PD, when anyone is shot in the
beanbag, it's not a random act.

Minny -3 over Det.

Houston +4 over Tenn.

Jax +7 over Indy.

Mia -1 over Jets. The jokes have all been made. Manjudas is an
underdog vs. an 0-11 team. Zoinks and gadzooks.

SD -4 over KC.

Phi -3 over Sea.

A quick note about Breet.....after throwing 2 picks last night and then
getting a bruised elbow, Breet hit the sideline for an ego stroke and a
groin tug. Meanwhile, backup Aaron Rodgers stepped in and immediately
started moving the ball on the Cowboys. After going 4 for 4 and scoring
the touchdown that put the Pack back into the game, Rodgers sprinted to
the sideline where he was mobbed by the coaches and players except for,
no drumroll needed, Breet. You guessed it, the camera panned over to
the Messiah moping with another coach/sycophant. Breet didn't care that
his team just scored, just that HE wasn't involved. It was eerily
familiar to the scene in 2001 where Brady mobs Bledsoe after the game
winning kick to win the Superbowl and Bledsoe's grimmaced look said it
all. In case you were wondering what the Pix has against Breet, last
night pretty much summed it up. He can fool the rest of the country,
but not the Pix. He's a slurp seeking disengenuous me first stain.

Sf +3 over Carolina

Cle +2 over Az

Denver -4 over Oak

TB +3 over NO

NY -2 over Chi

Cinci +7 over Turd

NE -20 over Ravens. One more thing about the Guru. As we all know,
Belichick is being portrayed in the media as a nasty and bitter man. A
man with no soul who disrespects his opponents and violates some
unwritten laws of the game. Conversly, Joe Gibbs is held up as a good
and respected Christian man who stands for all that is right and decent
about the coaching profession. The Pix just has a few bones to pick
with these prevailing beliefs. Whose players have consistently served
as better role models over the years for kids than the Guru's? If a
Patriot misbehaves, he is gone. Yet Gibbs' track record over the years
is one of drafting and trading for me first miscreants who spit on
opposing players (Sean Taylor), testify before congress about being
illiterate (Dexter Manley), insult foreign heads of state while falling
asleep at a State Dinner (John Riggins/Margaret Thatcher) and who in
general only trail the Cinmates in team arrests. I'm sure Gibbs is a
fine man, but a little credit to the Guru, please, for running a program
that is unquestionably the cleanest in the NFL. Even the players the
Pats draft from THE U, like Wilfork, Merriweather and Kareem Brown learn
to behave once they get to Foxborough.

Last Pix thought for the week.....during Sun and Mon night games when
the players introduce themselves and say what schools they come from
(notice I didn't say graduate), pay close attention to Randy Moss. He
says his name, pauses and then informs us that he went to "Rand U".
Moss actually attended Marshall, but the Pix believes this is Randy's
way of telling America that he is an advocate for home schooling. Or as
Randy might say....homey schooling.