Facebelt

Big week in the NFL. Big. Pats/Texans, Bengals/Cowboys, Redskins/Ravens.....all big games. None bigger, however, than the Saturday night NBA matchup of the Celtics and Sixers. BOOM! This game is so big that the league moved it to 7:30....HELLO. Not doing it for you? Then you must not be sitting in seat FLR 6 AA. Right next to the official 7 year old son of the Pix. Oh, well.....Sometimes you are the windshield and sometimes you are the bug. The Pix:

Philly +9 over TB. Vegas needs to settle down a little here. Yes, the Eagles are struggling and yes the Bucs are scrappy.....but it's still TB vs the Ill-a-delph. By the way, has anyone seen that commercial they are running every 10 minutes about some ear wax removal system? The one where the dude sticks a q-tip from one side of his head to the other and then screams like he's getting castrated? Yeah, I bet that did hurt, pal....it's called a q-tip, not a spear. Are people really having a problem with this? Look, the Pix likes to use the back end of an empty pen cartridge and stir it up a bit as much as the next guy, but there's no need to hose down your ear canal with bilge cleaner. The Pix used to work with this fossil who would grow his pinky nail extra long and go panning for gold in the middle of a sales meeting, then ponder it like it held the meaning of the world in it's little waxy dead cell sphere. Anyhoo...

Cowboys +3 at Bengals. The Pix has recently had the pleasure of being the passenger in some newer vehicles. Pixie even sports a 2011 model himself. What doesn't please the Pix is the increasing impatience cars have these days with how long you are allowed in your seat without fastening the seat belt without air raid sirens going off. It's bad enough that evidently children have to be in car seats until they are 17, but steering wheels now blast your eyes with mace if you don't buckle up before you even get in the car. And is it just the Pix or are the garbage men getting away with a little here? These guys are allowed to hang off the side and/or straddle their sponge bob wreath they made at the dump while playing frisbee with Pix's trash can lids. Just seems a little unfair, that's all. Some people would like to be a chef for a day, or boat captain, or a SI swimsuit photographer....Pix just wants to hang off the garbage truck.

Washington -2.5 over Ravens. Love the wedding announcement in the Marblehead reporter yesterday, "Bogus-Centric" to wed. Stephanie Bogus, that is, of the Marblehead Boguses. "Hey Bill, didn't you hook up with that Bogus chick once?" Sorry, Pix a little punchy today. Best wishes to Ms. Bogus.

Chargers +7 at Steelers. Just because the Pix hopes the Turdburglar does get his aorta puntured by his rib....love the holidays, does the Pix. Bet the mail man does too. Bet he loves delivering 75 catalogues per week per household. Here's the list that came to the chateaux Pix just yesterday....Grow Toys, Mindware, REI, Sensational beginnings, Potttery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, Pottery Barn Fossils, Solutions, Lands End, Brookstone, Crack Whore Geezers, Asian Milfs, and Frontgate. We get a Frontgate catalogue every day, which seems strange because we have never, nor will we ever, buy anything from Frontgate. Why? Because the Pix doesn't need a $3,000.00 lawn chair that makes strawberry daiquiris. Pix is funny like that. But you know what, Frontgate? A for effort.

Jets -3 over Slags. Um, never mind.

Miami +10 over 49ers. Why is the Pix cranky, you might be asking? Because Pixie had to drive through Salem today. Twice. If we could somehow air lift the center of Salem and put it in between Israel and Palestine we could save everyone lots of trouble.

Vagiants -5 over Saints. Sometimes the Pix reads about little misdemeanors on the internets and wonders how I didn't think of that first. But the bar has been raised, my friends. The bar has been raised.

http://gawker.com/5965966/california-couple-abducts-handyman-forces-him-to-do-home-repairs

Assuming you can open the link....how has the Pix not abducted his own handy man yet? And how much time does one get for this? Because if any sort of probation is involved.......local handi-men should be on the lookout for a middle aged incompetent football blog writer who may or may not need some help around the house. To say that the Pix is handi-challenged would be like saying Hellen Keller wasn't often picked first for dodgeball. Or Choir. Or sharpshooting. Or, well, you get the point. Pix isn't handy. The best part of the story isn't that they drove the handi hostage around to do work at other houses, but that they were still in the snack aisle of the handi-mart when they got arrested. Not that they were baked or anything. Funions, bugels, so MANY choices. And this didn't even happen in Florida. Just a delicious little piece of Americana right there.....

Texans +3 over Patriots. And the reverse jinx continues....Pix goes on Facebook once a week to alert my peeps to a new post. A few observations if the Pix may.....do the people who post 10 times a day know that they have a seriously disproportionate amount activity? Assuming self awareness isn't their thing. If you get a friend request from someone you have heard of, how long do you try to convince yourself you MIGHT know them before you punt? What are the chances you actually did know them, but you are a 45 year old self centered semi senile blog poseur? What about the 19 year old Russian nanny who just wants to meet new people, is she legit? Maybe she likes the 20 pounds the Pix has put on and pictures of all my kids? Chances? Yes? No? Maybe? And if you are over 40, and have over 1000 friends, do you really have any? Or have you just lived in lots of places? Or are you just an internet slut (gender neutral my "friends") who friend requests every person you meet from the person who works at the dmv to the neighbors who you speak to once a year? Just askin, not judgin....

Back to the Pats if you haven't been offended yet. Pix loves how the guru is playing the injury thing. Everyone knows Gronk is healthy and is just doing squats and practicing spikes for the playoffs. Pure genius. And Chandler Jones, according to Pix sources, is resting in Michael Jackson's hypobaric chamber visualizing speed rushes and strip sacks. Pleasing. Last week in Miami the Guru took Cutter and Mador out of the stands and slapped them on the right side of the line for the 4th quarter. Granted, they gave up a sack and two pressures but that was in the parking lot after the game.

On a more serious note, as the holidays approach and we consider the welfare of those less fortunate, let's keep the needy in our thoughts......The Jets, Derek Jeter's beer gut, A-fraud's hip, his other hip, handi-hostage, mail persons humping tons of catalogues, facebook addicts, and particularly those who can't find the seat belt buckle....they're screwed.

Enjoy the weekend everyone.
Enjoy the games.
Pix out.