Official friend and football watching accomplice of the Pix, Susannah
Forbes, keenly observed during opening day that TV commercials
immediately get a little better during football season. As my boy
Isaiah Thomas would say, "True that Biznotch". However, as Newton's
third law suggests (for every action there is an equal and positive
reaction) the commercials are also more annoying. Forgiving for a
moment the networks' trick of forcing the volume up during commercials
(hence forcing the viewer to mute and rendering the expensive message
pointless), too many adds are just plain retarded. Take, for example,
Pizza Hut's newest ridiculous procuct......the pizza sliced into
"dipping sticks" with 3 leftover Mcnugget sauces. Was America really
having a problem ingesting their pizza? "Hi, Pizza Hut, this is the
Pix. My pizza is a freakin Rubix cube. I just can't figure out this
triangular slice. Could you guys please cut it up into small
rectangular shapes for me? And send over some of that rancid MSG filled
dipping shmeg while you're at it? Thanks.
The Pix can only presume that the product and advertising campaign is
aimed at various college students sampling some of South America's
finest agricultural products. And Michael Vick. The Pix.......

Buffalo +3 over Mangina's men. Hopefully the Pix' unofficial Buffalo
correspondent and random emailer Paul Gouda Pruett will lay off the
keyboard this week. Message to Dr. Cheese, the last person who replied
to all on the Pix (Ferrante) was summarily booted off the list. Stick
to making chocolate and police up your attack dog. Seriously, keep up
the good work.

Baltimore -5 over the Cleve. Mensa's man of the year goes
to...........not Romeo Crennel.

Chicago -2 over Detroit. Lovie's move to go with Brian Griese as Bears
QB is the best coaching move of the young season. The Bears look to
cover easily unless Kitna's boy, God, interferes. He cares about
football, right?

GB even over Minny. The past weeks slurpitation and coronation of Breet
had the Pix convulsing on the floor in a grand mal seizure. The only
way America would turn on this guy is if he joined OJ and the Dog
Whisperer in a gang rape of Sprinkles the cat's carcass from "The
Office". R.I.P. Sprinkles.

Houston -2 over Atlanta. Speaking of the DW, good decision to burn
lettuce two weeks after you plea to the feds which included instructions
from the judge to stay clean. Actually, the Pix is going to pull a 180
here. You lost your job, you're headed to the can and you just urinated
away 30 million. You want to get a little baked? Go ahead.

Oak +4 over Miami. This game is lame so we'll use this space for a Pix
season record update. Last week, 9-5-2. Season, 23-20-5. Or something
like that. Official forensic accountant of the Pix, Rob Moore, can
audit. No offense, Ward.

Rams +12 over Dallas. Romosexual nation is in a frenzy over the Boyz
3-0 start. The Rams couldn't stop a group Myanmar monks after a month
long hunger strike, but we'll take the points.

Seattle even over 49ers. Who cares. Do you like the picture of Brady's
kid? How hot is Bridgett? C'mon Tom, dump Steffi Grafs illegitimate
twin and get back with the American girl. I know you read the Pix.

Indy -10 over Donkeys. The annual root for injuries game. What, that
made you wince? I just hazed a bunch of Burmese Buddhists.

KC +14 over SD. Herm Edwards vs. Norv Turner. Shades of Rich Kotite
vs. Rod Rust. Or Les Steckel vs. Wayne Fontes. Moving on.......

Turd Burglar -4 over Arizona. Did anybody see those photos of Oscar De
La Hoya rocking the fishnets and grape smuggler? Message to Oscar, the
next time you dress up like Ru Paul after a Grey Goose and coke bender,
you might not want to hand the camera to the adult entertainment worker.
Or do. I don't care.

NY +3 over Philly. I'm getting tired.

NE -7 over Cinmates. Johnathan Paplebon was interviewed this week by
fellow pitcher Manny Del Carmen and blithely let slip that he might pose
for Playgirl. Um, John, your junk belongs down in the zone, not in
holiday issue of a hog book.

And that wraps it up for the week kids. Mr Vegas has volunteered to be
the house on 9-1 odds on Celtics winning NBA championship this year.
Memo to Mr Vegas........why don't you take $2.73 and purchase a can of
fragrant aerosol for the men's room? The Pabst Blue Ribbon and chicken
wing diet with sudafed is not agreeing with you so much. The Pix would
rather patronize the stall at the BHP than follow you into the joint at
2 Market. Speaking of Senator Craig, why is there room between the
floor and the divider anyway? Memo to bathroom engineers
everywhere.....take the dividers down to the floor. And enjoy your
weekends.